


Thé Bakery

by Esperata



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Agender Character, Agender Query, Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Tea Shop, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Jonathan Crane, Asexual Character, Asexual Oswald Cobblepot, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Criminal Activities, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Edward Ngma, Hattercrow - Freeform, Intersex Character, Intersex Jonathan Crane, Multi, Riddlebird - Freeform, Trans Character, Trans Jervis Tetch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata
Summary: "Life begins anew"That was certainly what Eddie and Jervis were hoping for as they launched their new joint venture. New starts and better lives. It would soon take a turn neither were expecting.
Relationships: Edward Nygma & Jervis Tetch, Edward Nygma & Query & Echo, Jervis Tetch & Query, Jonathan Crane/Jervis Tetch, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Query/Echo
Comments: 141
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It is my first time writing a number of these genders and orientations. I have done my best but please do correct me if I've made problematic errors. However I will not take criticism over my choice of head canons for them. Don't like, don't read.

There were times when Jervis had to remind himself why he was still friends with Edward. As he stared up at the newly painted sign above their shop door, he wondered again at the fact.

“Why did I agree to this?” he asked nobody in particular.

“Because it’s the perfect name.”

It was no surprise that Edward answered him promptly regardless of the rhetorical nature of his question. He rarely left a query unanswered, even when his answer was clearly not wanted. In fact they sometimes joked the only time he’d let a query go was when he broke up with Jervis’ twin, who liked to use the ambiguous name ‘Query’ to reflect their non-defined status.

They were standing beside Jervis now, rolling their eyes at the statement. Alongside them their girlfriend was frowning in puzzlement.

“I don’t get it,” she commented before swiftly correcting herself. “I mean, I get the _bakery_ part… that’s obvious… but what’s so special about calling it _the bakery_?” She shook her head and repeated, “I don’t get it.”

“Not _the_ Bakery,” Ed insisted. “It’s got an accent. _Thé Bakery_.”

Query rolled their eyes again.

“Nobody’s going to get it,” they said.

“It’s not my fault most people are too stupid to understand simple word play,” Ed huffed. “I even put it on a teacup to give them a hint!”

Jervis looked up again. The teacup had been at his own insistence. If Edward was getting his product clearly advertised in the naming of their establishment, Jervis wanted his own at least equally visible to potential customers. Given Edward’s stubbornness over his name choice, Jervis had had no choice but to be equally stubborn over the design. Perhaps that shared obstinacy was part of the reason they were still friends. Nobody else had the willpower to put up with their idiosyncrasies.

Although that wasn’t entirely fair. Jervis could honestly say he’d never met anyone quite so quick witted as Edward. When he was of a mind to, he could keep Jervis entertained for hours with verbal puzzles and mind traps. And he was unhesitatingly accepting of both Jervis and Query’s gender nonconformity, taking both their rejection of male female norms and his trans status in stride without batting an eye. Not surprising given his own genderfluid nature perhaps but still much appreciated.

Actually the very fact that he had broken up with Query yet still remained friends spoke volumes about his pragmatic approach to relationships. They had discussed life goals, realized they weren’t as compatible as a romantic couple and agreed on an amicable separation. It was so relaxed that Jervis initially hadn’t been sure his twin hadn’t simply added their girlfriend into the relationship. Only the rejected invites extended for Ed to join them on dates told him Query was now exclusively dating Echo.

His gaze dropped to find the others wandering inside and he hastened to follow. Once there he couldn’t help but clap his hands in glee. Everything looked exactly as he’d imagined it, or as near as realistically could be expected given his exceptionally vivid imagination.

Directly ahead of the door, where the eye would immediately land across the short width of the shop, were the crystal clear display cases that would house Ed’s pastries. Behind those stood a discrete door leading into the baking heart of the premises. Ed was already heading through, presumably to check he had the required equipment and rear door necessary to handle deliveries. Jervis didn’t even think of following. He would have no clue what might be required there and he was frankly more interested in the rest of the place.

Along to his left, running parallel in the centre of the room away from him, were two rough bench tables. They looked rough now but he already had cloths ready to lay over them, all embroidered with pocket watches, teapots and top hats. Along the windows were smaller round tables also awaiting their decorative covers. A couple of small tables also hid along the left hand wall but these were more optimistic over flow areas.

Jervis’ attention was already turning to his right where his own domain resided. The whole wall was covered by shelves and every one had a range of tea blends stacked on it. He clapped happily again and laughed delightedly as his eyes flickered over the loose leaves ready for him to mix and brew the perfect aromas.

“Lucky they got you a ladder,” Query teased, their own gaze looking grudgingly impressed.

“Oh hush you. Or else I shall name you Alice for the day.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” They shoved him lightly in the shoulder and he grinned devilishly back. It had become something of a joke between them now. Neither would ever actually use the other’s deadname but ‘Alice’ had become their go-to family insult ever since Jervis had first discovered Lewis Carroll’s book. They had always enjoyed playing games of Wonderland but neither ever actually wanted to play the titular heroine.

Their light hearted bickering was interrupted by Echo who was leaning over the counter curiously.

“Good how you’ve got your till blocked off from both sides but I’d have positioned it away from the hatch. Is this thing a hatch? Where you come in and out.”

Jervis shrugged.

“It seemed sensible to have it between both counters. The hatch and the till. And one of us should always be here to keep an eye out.”

“Yeah but neither of you are exactly intimidating are you?”

“I’m the one with the brawn in this family.” Query said, flexing their muscles. “Maybe I should act as guard for you.”

Echo smiled and reached out a hand to run over the skin on display even as Jervis huffed.

“You’re only saying that because you want an excuse to eat Ed’s baking.”

“Can you blame me? It’s the one thing I miss about dating him.”

“I heard that.” Ed pushed his way through the kitchen door, a wide smile on his face, completely unbothered by the comment.

“Do you have everything you wanted back there?” Jervis made a vague gesture, fully aware the area was implicitly Ed’s territory where he would be permitted only as necessary. He’d more than proved his own ineptitude in cooking enough times that Ed wouldn’t let him near his culinary activities.

Ed held his hands up, thumbs and forefingers together, as he answered.

“To my exact specifications. Mores the miracle,” he added quietly. “How about here? Is the décor what you wanted?”

Jervis took the opportunity to look around again. It wasn’t overt but it was obvious when you looked where the decorative theme came from. Every detail could trace its way back to Carroll’s books, even if some were less well known. For instance the wall behind Edward’s counter was littered with mathematical puzzles and logic conundrums. On the cover over the till was a red and white patterned chess board complete with pieces ready for them to while away slow periods. The walls elsewhere had the more traditional Wonderland artwork motifs.

The most prominent feature however, and the one which lifted Jervis’ spirits the most, was the prevalence of playing cards everywhere. From the napkin holders to the ceiling tiles, the whole effect was of being within a tottering house of cards. He allowed himself a few seconds longer to soak in the wonder of his vision made reality. Typically, Query then intervened with their own opinion before he could find his words.

“I don’t know why you didn’t call the place the Stacked Deck.”

The comment subtly deriding his choice of name again made Edward frown.

“Because it sounds like a seedy bar and has _nothing_ to do with either tea _or_ baking.”

“How about I make us all some tea?” Jervis interrupted swiftly. “To inaugurate our new venture.”

“That would be amazing,” Echo was quick to concur, likewise wanting to avoid an argument. “You always make the most amazing tea.”

He grinned brightly and hurried behind his own counter to start, excited to utilize the new equipment.

“We don’t have to pay right?” Query checked, even as they settled in beside Echo at the bench.

“Not today,” Ed agreed, taking his place opposite them, “but don’t expect any handouts when we open for business.”

“What about at the end of the day?” they pressed. “If you have left over stuff? You wouldn’t keep it ‘til the next day.”

He pursed his lips as he considered that. This time Jervis threw in his two cents before anyone else could answer.

“You’ll get fat,” he warned. “You know you have no self-restraint where pastries are concerned. Especially not Ed’s.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Ed commented mildly.

“I’m only concerned because we have a history of diabetes in our family. It’s the health not the weight I’m thinking about.” He effectively ended the topic by carrying over a tray with teacups and teapot and placing it with a flourish before them. “Now who’ll be mother?”

Query rolled their eyes but Ed reached for the pot.

“Let me. I’m feeling maternal at the moment.”

“Through the looking glass?” Jervis queried briefly while Ed continued to pour.

The question was considered briefly before she nodded in response.

Echo and Query meanwhile were each inhaling the fragrance in an attempt to analyse the blend.

“There’s definitely mint in here,” Echo said. “Probably spearmint.”

“If I know Jervis,” Query speculated, “then that means there’s chimarrão in here.”

“All I know is it’s sweetened with honey,” Eddie concluded while stirring in a spoonful.

“All correct. But the secret of the brew is mine to keep.” Jervis raised his cup in toast. “To a successful launch,” he proposed.

“May your secret blends and sinfully good baking draw in a steady stream of customers,” Query added.

“I’ll drink to that,” Eddie smiled.

“As long as you still have time for your friends.” Echo grinned back. “Smash and grabs are all very well but I miss the times you open the doors for us.”

“I promise I’ll still help you out.” She smiled wickedly. “You just have to find a challenge worthy of me.”

“Let’s just focus on the challenge of unveiling our venture tomorrow shall we?” Jervis proposed with an admonishing hum.

The others agreed demurely enough but he could see the gleam in their eyes suggesting another venture was on their minds. He could hardly complain given their proclivities had provided the capital for this project but still, there were certainly days he wished he could wipe the compulsion from their minds.

But what were friends for if not turning a blind eye to your criminal habits?


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe Jervis wouldn’t have noticed if they hadn’t been their first customer. In hindsight he thought that unlikely but it certainly made the initial impact greater. As it was he still had his head down while Eddie unlocked the door, focused on swirling boiling water in a couple of teapots ready for their first use, and by the time he looked up the person was already stood waiting at his counter.

The unexpected company startled him and he found himself instinctively stepping back before recovering his senses. Unfortunately he was then distracted by the fact that, even though he’d increased the distance, he still had to tilt his head up to meet the other’s tired looking face.

“My word you’re tall!” he exclaimed thoughtlessly.

Across from them, and thankfully out of sight of their customer, he saw Eddie roll her eyes in incredulity. Jervis watched as his comment pulled a frown onto the face before him and quickly tried to repair the damage. Affixing a bright smile onto his own face therefore he threw himself into his prepared patter.

“Why not let me mix the perfect blend to start your day? I’ve been said to be a mind reader with my gift for choosing the right flavour for any given moment.”

He felt his smile falter slightly under the intense stare he received in response but it didn’t break until he received his answer.

“Coffee. Black.”

“Are you sure? A bitter melon green tea would-”

“Coffee,” the rough voice interrupted before adding pointedly, “black.”

Jervis nodded meekly and set to putting ground coffee into the filter ready to brew. If the customer wanted coffee then that was what they would get. Even if he found it disappointing.

Meanwhile, Eddie had lent her arms on top of the counter to address their customer herself.

“Riddle me this,” she purred, “Of canes, grains and lost children am I made, yet children everywhere desire to have me. What am I?”

The customer’s look grew distinctly more unimpressed and they pointedly ignored the riddle by focusing back on where Jervis was pouring their order. From the corner of his eye Jervis could see Eddie huff in frustration at the response but he privately thought the customer had a point. Few people enjoyed unsolicited riddles, especially early in the morning when they still looked to be waking up.

Handing the cup across therefore he smiled more genuinely.

“That’ll be three dollars fifty please.”

The exact money was promptly handed over and he received a nod of the head in what he assumed was meant as thanks before they meandered down the room to sit at one of the tucked away tables. Despite the somewhat curt transaction, Jervis still felt a thrill as he rang in the very first takings for their business.

After that trade began to pick up with subsequent customers being primarily focused on orders of tea or cakes and more often than not both. Eddie didn’t have time to indulge in more riddles but was asked their pronouns more than once, prompted by the prominent pin fixed at their collar. Jervis wore his own badge too but his simply instructed people that his preferred pronouns were he/him so there wouldn’t be any confusion. He had half feared people might kick up a fuss but everyone seemed happy enough to adopt the correct vernacular.

By the time late morning rolled around they’d done a good trade in curious passers-by and Eddie nipped into the kitchen to prepare some fresh bakery products for an anticipated lunchtime crowd. Jervis set about making sure all the dirty crockery was run through the dishwasher and it wasn’t until a throat cleared behind him that he realised someone was awaiting his attention.

“Oh!” He spun quickly, heart jumping despite himself before recognising the person as the same customer who’d caught him unawares earlier. “You gave me a fright.” He grinned apologetically. “I thought you’d left.”

He received a small quirk of the lips that he took to be a smile before their empty cup was held out.

“Coffee, black,” they requested.

Jervis automatically took the cup back and turned to refill it, even as his brain processed the information that the customer had seemingly settled in for the time being. A glance showed him that the occupied table was covered with papers that implied they were going to be busy here for the foreseeable. He cast a glance up to their face only to find himself being watched in return.

“You look very busy over there,” he offered as he turned around to hand over their order.

The other’s gaze flickered back to the table and an uneasy anxiety seemed to cross their features. The only reply Jervis received was a somewhat tense shrug before they reached in their pocket for the money to pay. In a split second decision that he would be hard put to explain, Jervis held up his hand to stop them.

“If you stay in all day then you can get free refills,” he lied quickly.

The change in expectations froze them briefly but then an actual smile lit their face. Jervis only got a brief look however as they ducked their head and turned to stalk swiftly back to their claimed corner. Unconsciously, he let out a sigh.

“That’s not very good for business you know.” Eddie’s voice made Jervis jump again and he threw a glare back at his business partner. She in turn merely smirked back at him. “Don’t tell me you have a crush already?”

“Of course I don’t! I’ve only served them twice and they’ve only said two words to me. Literally.”

“Uh huh.” Eddie propped her chin on her hand, tapping her green painted nails against her cheek. “You forget I _know_ you Jervis. You fall in love at the drop of a hat. Sometimes literally.”

“That was one time.” Jervis blushed at the reminder. But really, anyone would feel something if someone was willing to chase your hat down a busy street for you.

“Whatever.” Eddie pulled themselves back upright, putting her business face back on. “Just don’t start giving away our stock to anyone else.”

“Our stock,” Jervis muttered. “It’s some coffee beans and water.”

Luckily any argument was derailed as more customers began to trickle in looking for snacks and drinks in lieu of lunch. The novelty of having a new venue to try was probably accounting for most of the business but both proprietors were confident they had the necessary allure to bring people back. Jervis could certainly attest to the moreish nature of Ed’s cooking and Eddie would concede the skill of Jervis’ inspired blends was intriguing enough to inspire repeat demonstrations.

The shop’s position was not particularly opportune for passing trade, although there were enough businesses in walking distance to provide a client base. In the weeks leading up to opening both Jervis and Ed as well as Echo and Query had mail bombed every one of them to promote the availability of their sweet treats. The nature of their potential patrons work however meant a regular pattern to likely visits. Those stopping on the way to work, those nipping out over break times, and hopefully more swinging by on the way home.

All of which meant both Eddie and Jervis tacitly agreed to save their own meal break for after the midday rush. Eddie went first and smirked upon returning to find Jervis idly staring across the room to where their lone customer was focused on scribbling notes in a well-worn journal. He hurried away with a flustered blush and in retaliation sneaked a few of the imperfect delicacies from the side where Eddie’s perfectionism meant rejects were gathering.

He wasn’t sure if it was coincidence or design but almost the moment he returned to the shop front, their solitary customer rose and again approached with cup in hand. Jervis flashed a smile and pre-emptively turned to prepare a fresh brew.

“You must need a fresh cup by now,” he commented as he handed the black coffee over and reached for the empty cup. He felt long fingers brush against his as the exchange was made and fought to restrain his shiver. It might have been his imagination but he would swear this smile was warmer than the last one. Watching the figure walking away he abruptly remembered Eddie was likely watching him and he turned with what he hoped was a look of innocence.

“How about a game of chess?” he suggested brightly.

It didn’t look like Eddie bought his pretence for a second but she was at least willing to allow the diversion. The game was a familiar and comforting pastime for them and they fell into easy conversation as they played. Mostly discussing the new discoveries they had made about running the business. Jervis still concerned about washing the teapots and Eddie deliberating over whether to offer end of day reductions on the products that would not keep, or which had not been perfect enough for display. As the after work crowd began to make their appearance, their game was paused for the final rush and Jervis left her to make her own decision on how to save on waste.

They had previously opted to stay open ‘til 6, giving most customers time to visit while also letting them have time to begin shutting up. As Jervis carefully stacked the saucers and cups from the last round of the dishwasher, Eddie leaned over with a hushed whisper.

“Our friend is still here. Perhaps you should go over and remind them when we shut.”

There was an undeniable teasing hint to the suggestion yet it was true Eddie had more to do in terms of clearing up so dealing with stragglers really should fall to Jervis. Rubbing his hands anxiously therefore he carefully made his way over, coming to a stop a couple of feet away and clearing his throat softly.

The reaction was immediate as the hand writing suddenly moved to slam the book shut and a wary gaze shot across to him. With Jervis standing and the other sitting their heights weren’t so very different.

Having gotten their attention, Jervis smiled and stepped close enough to gather up the utensils.

“We’ll be closing soon,” he offered with an unwarranted tone of apology.

To his surprise they pulled out a genuine old fashioned pocket watch to check the time. Given their otherwise casual attire, he wouldn’t have expected such a unique timepiece.

“Oh! That’s beautiful. Is it an antique?”

The question provoked another wary look before they licked their lips to answer.

“It was my grandmother’s.”

That seemed to be all Jervis was going to get he realised as he stood awkwardly clutching cup, saucer and spoon. Not knowing what to say in reply he found himself nodding before turning to leave them be. Back at his designated area he focused himself on hand washing the last items and thus didn’t notice the approach behind him until their voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Are you open the same time tomorrow?”

He turned around and stared upwards enthusiastically, trying to hold back his grin, even though they weren’t actively looking at him.

“Yes! We’ll be open the same hours every day.”

The brown eyes flickered to him and that quick smile flashed over their face.

“Good.”

With no more than a brisk nod after that, they turned and strode out of the shop. Jervis let out a happy sigh, forgetting once again his vigilant friend.

“You _do_ have a crush! Just wait until I tell Query. They owe me $5.”

Jervis spun around in indignation.

“You were betting on it!”

The smug smile was its own answer and Jervis crossed his arms petulantly.

“Well you’re wrong because I do _not_ have a crush. And no power on earth can make me say otherwise.”

It was the wrong thing to say he realised immediately as Eddie’s eyes narrowed determinedly.

“Want to bet?”


	3. Chapter 3

It became a self-fulfilling prophecy, of sorts, although Jervis wasn’t the only one developing a habit of unobtrusive spying. Being their most regular customer made them an object of curiosity to all concerned and Jervis obviously crushing on them only intensified the interest. Ed enjoyed deducing random facts from the little details he could pick up at a distance but Echo and Query had the most success in uncovering more about them. They came in on the final day of the week to pose as a happy couple on a tea date at a nearby table and subtly snuck a glance at whatever they were working on.

Their conclusion was that they were a college professor confirmed Ed’s own hypothesis and the group subsequently took to referring to them as ‘the professor’ for ease of reference. And they were subject to an increasing amount of speculation over the passing days.

“The professor never eats. Have you noticed that?” Ed pointed out under cover of the noise from the dishwasher.

Echo and Query simultaneously raised eyebrows at the comment from their adjacent perches on the stools provided for customers who might need to rest when waiting in line. It was the lull period of the afternoon time and the place was otherwise empty so they were enjoying a few left over treats with a pot of herbal tea.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jervis admonished. “Of course they eat.”

“But we’ve never seen them,” Ed countered immediately. “They sit there all day and only ever order coffee.”

“Maybe they only drink blood!” Echo exclaimed. “Like a vampire or a…” she trailed off as she tried to think of another example before finishing weakly, “a vampire.”

Next to her Query chuckled.

“It’s lucky you’re cute.”

“They’re not a vampire,” Jervis rebuked.

“They could be,” Query replied placidly. “I mean, consider the evidence. Deathly pale, stick thin, never seen to eat. You should try putting a mirror up and seeing if there’s a reflection.”

“They don’t have a problem with daylight though,” Ed pointed out thoughtfully.

“I cannot believe we are having this conversation. The professor is simply a studious individual with too much focus on work to be distracted by your sugary confections.”

Ed’s smirk showed he had achieved his goal of riling him up and Jervis felt a new sense of irritation at the fact he had walked into it. Consequently he turned his frustration onto his twin.

“And you shouldn’t be eating them either,” he scolded. “You’ll give yourself a diabetic stroke.”

They gave him a particularly unimpressed stare.

“It only runs in the family Jervis, we don’t actually have diabetes. And I don’t think one pastry is going to kill me.”

“Well I hope you don’t expect me to pay for it either way,” he sniffed. “You can pay for it like any other customer.”

“How about I follow your love interest home for you?” they offered teasingly. “Make sure they’re really not a creature of the night out to suck your blood. Or at least scope out their place for relationship hints.”

“Absolutely not!” His voice came out louder than intended and he winced while simultaneously casting an anxious glance across the shop to the focus of their conversation. The professor still seemed totally immersed in their writings.

Query shrugged, unconcerned by the screeching outburst.

“Well don’t say I didn’t offer.” They slid off their stool and wrapped an arm about Echo’s waist to encourage her along. “Eddie? You coming round tonight to help us out?”

He scrunched his nose at the question.

“Probably. Nothing like a bit of hacking to stimulate the mind and get the creative juices flowing.”

“Awesome,” Echo grinned. “It’s always so much more fun when they can’t figure out why we were able to stroll right in.”

“See you later,” Query called back as they led their girlfriend out, leaving the two to prepare for the final customers of the day.

Although Ed seemingly had another priority before restocking his shelves.

“Seriously,” he lent over the chess set to emphasis the earnestness of his entreaty. “You should at least try and talk to them. Ask what they’re studying, where their accent’s from, even just whether they want another refill. Anything.”

“I can’t do that. It’s unprofessional. And I don’t want to be an irritation when they’re so clearly busy.”

Ed rolled his eyes and straightened up.

“You’re hopeless, you know that right?”

He didn’t wait for a reply before swirling about to go bring out the last of his baked goods to top up the display. Jervis felt his shoulders slump and stared miserably across at the person unknowingly causing him so much grief. It was alright for Eddie. They never seemed to have any trouble putting themselves forward. Ed would confidently state his interest and then be perfectly untroubled by a negative reply. It appeared to Jervis that his heart never troubled him and he could act solely from an analytical perspective. At times he envied them. At others he puzzled over how fulfilling such a tactic could possibly be.

The first arrivals of the after work crowd distracted him from such meanderings and he eagerly prepared cups ready for them to take away. One or two opted for a teapot but at this stage of the day most weren’t staying in. The rush kept him sufficiently occupied until his eye was caught by the professor leaving and he felt his heart tumble again.

The departure seemed to coincide with the last of the visiting customers and Jervis therefore attempted to distract himself again with clearing up. He paused however when a new customer came almost on the verge of too late to be reasonable for a tea shop. His eye was therefore a touch more critical than it might otherwise have been but he immediately realized that this person was a cut above their usual clientele.

The suit, despite being of very generous proportions, was still clearly high fashion and Jervis prided himself on his knowledge of tailoring. More obviously they were also carrying an umbrella with an engraved handle, which looked remarkably like a bird’s head, and wearing an old fashioned top hat that did nothing to conceal their short stature. Jervis felt a surge of kinship however given their comparable heights and smiled a perfectly welcoming smile in spite of the late hour.

The customer glanced his way briefly, giving him the chance to see that the far eye was in fact covered by a monocle, before fixing their attention on the bakery counter and striding forward. Jervis relaxed and settled back to wait for Ed to serve them so they could close up together.

“Good day.” They spoke with a crystal clear tone which Jervis immediately associated with Eton. “My assistant came in here earlier today, I believe. She bought me some most delicious fondants. I was hoping I might find some more?”

The sentence ended with a clearly questioning lilt, the visitor having obviously perused the offerings and failed to find what they wanted. Their glance switched up and over the counter to where Edward was staring back silently. Over the other side, Jervis arched a surprised eyebrow at the ensuing quiet. To his recollection, Ed had never not answered a direct question, even one so casually phrased. He quickly hid the look as their customer glanced back to him before refocusing on Ed.

“You are the baker aren’t you?”

“Ah, yes!” Ed snapped back suddenly. “I bake good!”

Both he and Jervis winced simultaneously at that phrasing but the customer chuckled.

“Yes you do my friend. I was most impressed. If you don’t have any fondants, is there anything else you’d recommend?”

Edward stared down at his own goods counter as if he’d never seen anything there before. His eyes roved desperately from side to side and Jervis seriously believed that he’d forgotten the words for any bakery products. Feeling generous, and conscious of the clock ticking, he intervened.

“If you’ll consider my advice?” he offered leaning forward. “You’ll try the vanilla slices.”

The mismatched blue-green eyes flickered over to him before the figure nodded acceptance of the idea.

“Two vanilla slices then, if you please.”

The simple request obviously fell within Edward’s current limits of processing and he diligently began packing up the order, eyes fixed intently on his hands as he did so.

The client rested both hands upon the head of their umbrella and leant forward slightly.

“I feel I should ask your pronouns,” they said into the awkward silence.

Ed glanced up and did a very good impression of a rabbit in the headlights. It obviously made an impact as the other continued with a gentle tone.

“Mine are he/him.”

The offered information clearly put Ed somewhat at ease and he managed to exhale slowly before answering.

“They/them.”

It received an accepting nod although Jervis found the reply curious. Ed had been going by masculine pronouns. Yet it made a sort of sense if he wanted to keep future options open and was easier than explaining the fluctuating nature of his relationship with gender. He was broken from these thoughts by a sudden motion on Ed’s part. He wasn’t sure what had happened until the customer spoke again.

“There’s three slices here. I only asked for two.”

Across the counter, Ed was now outright blushing.

“I know but it’s the end of the day and it would only be thrown away else. Consider it a gift.”

“That’s very kind.” The gentleman reached into his pocket and pulled out a note. “You must keep the change. I insist.”

“That’s too generous,” Ed began to protest but the man held up a supercilious hand.

“Nonsense. I expect to frequent this place often if these are half as good as the fondants. Consider it a down payment if you must.”

“Very well. I’ll make sure to have something special put aside for next time.”

Jervis caught sight of his pleased smile as he turned to leave. The man saw him looking and tilted his hat in farewell on his way. Jervis quickly followed, locking the door behind him before spinning triumphantly to point at Eddie.

“Now who has a crush!” he crowed delightedly.

“Can you blame me?” Ed exclaimed waving his arm in the direction of the man’s exit. “I mean did you see him? Did you hear him?”

It was an effort for Jervis not to harangue him immediately for all his recent teasing over the professor. He’d always known Ed was interested in people with money or class but previously it had been always been a base interest. Posturing like a peacock for sheer monetary or cultural gain. Apparently a surfeit of breeding and wealth would reduce him to an actual emotional mess just like the rest of them.

“If you’re expecting sympathy from me you can look elsewhere.” He moved primly to bag up the till.

Ed rested his arms on top of his counter and laid his chin down with a sigh.

“Oh but he was gorgeous,” he murmured.

Jervis did roll his eyes at that and knew Eddie would be absolutely insufferable for the foreseeable future.

“You can tell Echo and Query all about it later,” he prompted. “Now why don’t you clear your stuff so I can clean up?”

Thankfully his instruction was followed but Jervis could hear his distracted humming from the kitchen. He comforted himself that at least this might mean a let up in the mocking of his own crush. And he grinned to himself as he anticipated his twin and their girlfriend having to deal with Ed tonight, caught up as he was in the throes of love at first sight.

There was nothing quite like a sibling’s aggravation to lift the spirits.


	4. Chapter 4

“A dish full of all kinds of flowers.”

Jervis couldn’t help but look over as he heard them recite the rehearsed riddle. Every day now Ed had prepared a new delicacy and concocted an accompanying riddle to help their crush pick out the right one. Although the first time Eddie had answered his request with such an enigmatic reply had confused him, now he knew that he could help himself to the right answer by carefully surveying the labelled treats before him.

He probably hadn’t figured out yet that Ed was baking them especially for him in the afternoon, often getting quite paranoid about making them perfect, and rambling variations of appropriate word plays to Jervis from morning until the time he actually arrived.

Not that Jervis particularly minded. It helped keep his own mind off the pathetic nature of his own pining and, perhaps more importantly, prevented Ed from calling him on it either. He still hadn’t managed to engage in any actual conversation with the professor beyond expressing a few suggestions about various teas. In that at least he and Eddie were utilising the same tactics. Unfortunately for him though his attempts were always firmly, but at least politely, turned down.

Watching Ed’s crush now, it once again occurred to Jervis to wonder that he indulged Ed in these games. There was never any question but that he could purchase whatever he desired from the shop. The obvious answer was that he did it for the same reason as Eddie; because he wanted to increase the time they spent interacting. This was reinforced by the fact that he had, apropos of nothing, handed over his business card the previous week, stating that they should visit his nightclub sometime.

Ed had held it like a treasured possession and, according to Query, spent the entire evening testing out different ways to incorporate the man’s name into their talk. Echo had repeatedly suggested that Ed should just take up the offer and visit the Iceberg Lounge but she was swiftly disregarded. They were not ready to make a fool of themselves publically.

But the idea of making a move wasn’t rejected completely which meant that it probably wouldn't be long before Eddie built up the courage to actually convey their romantic interest. Although Jervis noted they were still reining in their outward expression of gender identity. Not once had they worn a skirt since he had arrived in their lives. Nor high heels. And the make-up was distinctly subdued. Jervis hoped Ed wouldn’t try to hold back that aspect of who they were just to make the man like them. He hadn’t batted an eyelid at the they/them pronouns after all.

He was distracted from his musings as they obviously discovered the answer.

“It’s honey isn’t it?” he said with a smile. “So I’ll take the baklavas today.”

Edward smiled back widely.

“Right you are Mister Cobblepot.”

He started to package up the requested pastries but faltered slightly at the rejoinder.

“Please, call me Oswald.”

From across the other counter Jervis almost held his breath to see how Eddie would respond. Initially they simply blushed and focused on the task at hand but when they passed the box across they smiled softly and replied, “Only if you call me Eddie.”

Jervis found himself entranced with watching the seemingly highly charged moment and had to look away quickly when Cobblepot cast his glance back towards him. He hoped his sudden peering into a teapot didn’t come across as completely strange.

“I’ve been meaning to ask…”

There was a distinct hesitation and Jervis risked a glance up. Cobblepot was turning the pastry box about in his hands while Eddie looked on attentively. Finally he found the words for what he apparently wanted to say.

“How did you two come to be in business together? I mean, you don’t look related so… are you two…” he trailed off with an awkward cough and Jervis could practically hear the unspoken question in the silence.

Ed’s laughter quickly shattered that though.

“Oh we’re not related,” they confirmed quickly.

“Oh?”

It was amazing how much trepidation could be crammed into a single syllable.

“I used to date Jervis’ sibling,” Ed carried on blithely. “Twin actually. They look incredibly alike although they’re not really identical. Both blond and petite. Both ridiculously smart too. It’s why we get on so well isn’t it Jervis?”

He didn’t grace that with a reply, being primarily focused with trying to convey through a glare alone that Ed themself was a blithering idiot. Between their counters, Oswald’s gaze had dropped to where his hands rested against the stretch of his stomach, still clutching at the pastry box.

“I’m sure they’re delightful,” he replied tactfully.

“Oh Query’s great. I could have done a lot worse. My prior girlfriend for example. Stunning to look at, a model in fact, with the most beautiful eyes, but couldn’t tell a Hemi from a semi.”

Ed’s loud laughter at the joke only increased Jervis’ frustration with his friend and he resisted the urge to smack his head into his palm.

“Yes, well…” Oswald clearly didn’t know what to add to that so he didn’t even try. Pulling himself upright he forced a smile. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Then, without a further comment, he turned and headed determinedly to the door. Eddie was still watching him in obvious confusion when Jervis stalked around and firmly clipped them about the ear.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“That poor man was so very evidently trying to ascertain your availability and _you_ , instead of confirming that you are not only free but _interested_ , very clearly stated your preferred type was someone slim, blond and more intelligent!”

“I didn’t say more intelligent,” Eddie protested immediately. “He’s obviously intelligent! He gets my riddles.”

“You _implied_ more intelligent,” Jervis insisted, thumping them on the arm once again for good measure. “Honestly. You crush on him for weeks and then when he ventures a response you practically turn him down. Not to mention giving him the impression you’re interested in women. Why did you have to carry on about past partners?”

“I didn’t mean to!” Ed wailed casting a distressed gaze to the now vacant doorway. “I was nervous! And how was that giving the impression I prefer women? Query’s agender.”

“Because you didn’t say that,” Jervis replied emphatically, “and _most_ people would assume the gender you’ve said you’ve dated is the one you prefer.”

“I just forgot that people have heteronormative presumptions.” Eddie’s shoulders slumped. “He’ll come back won’t he?”

Jervis huffed.

“Maybe,” he conceded. “If only because you are the best baker in town. Although he’s as likely to send his assistant next time.”

The suggestion spooked Eddie who bit their lip anxiously. Jervis felt himself relenting but was interrupted by an irritated humph. Turning from his business partner he found himself looking up at the professor standing awkwardly clutching a briefcase almost like a shield.

As normal Ed was ignored completely while the dark eyes fixed on Jervis with an almost hypnotic effect.

“Are you open tomorrow?”

The unexpected appearance and random question caught him off guard and for a few seconds he simply stared dumbly back. Then he found his voice.

“Uh, yes?”

The answer received a satisfied nod and Jervis felt he’d passed some kind of test. Yet he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Why wouldn’t we be?”

His question seemed to surprise them in turn and he saw the tired eyes blink in slow surprise.

“It’s thanksgiving,” he was answered. “Most places consider that good enough reason to stay shut the whole day.”

The sneering tone left Jervis in no doubt of their opinion on the holiday and he was quick to emphasise his solidarity, even if it was only born of the last few seconds.

“Well _Thé Bakery_ will be open as usual.” He grinned more enthusiastically then necessary and was rewarded with a curt nod before they too strode for the door, leaving Jervis to turn beseechingly to Ed.

“No,” they answered briskly before he could even ask. “For one thing, the chances of Oswald stopping by are too small and for a second, you know Echo and Query are hosting their first thanksgiving. We promised we’d go.”

“I know.” Jervis wrung his hands fretfully. “But I’ve said we’ll be open. I can’t go back on that now.”

“That’s your mistake. I feel like taking a day to wallow in misery and eat myself into a stupor.” Jervis rolled his eyes at the melodrama. Ed generally ate like a bird, preferring quality over quantity. “How could you forget it was Thanksgiving?” Eddie added with a frown.

“You’d distracted me!”

“Query will be pissed at you.”

“They’ll understand. I’ve done far worse over the years after all. That time I hypnotised them to join my impromptu garden party as Alice for a start.”

Memories of the ridiculous mad tea party re-enactment drew smiles to both their faces and Eddie softened their stance.

“I’ll make sure we save you something.”

“A piece of your pumpkin pie would be favourite.”

“Tell you what,” Eddie bargained. “I’ll have a piece of pie waiting for you _if_ you take the opportunity to speak to them tomorrow. Chances are they’ll be the only customer so the timing is ideal. What do you say?”

Jervis wavered. On the one hand there was the prospect of approaching his crush, of speaking to him coherently – and Jervis just knew Eddie meant about more than just tea – and the very real prospect of rejection. On the other there was a slice of delicious, lightly spiced, perfectly baked pie.

“You have yourself a deal.”


	5. Chapter 5

For some reason, being alone in the shop with his crush felt even more suffocating than being there in company. As if there were more eyes rather than less watching his every move. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t prepared himself for the task. The previous evening had been spent washing his hair and carefully choosing his wardrobe. Ordinarily he’d have asked either Query or Eddie to help but neither were in the mood to assist him. Query because he was missing their dinner and Eddie because they preferred lying dramatically across the sofa doing a very good impression of an 18th century heroine dying of consumption.

Jervis might have wished to not have them present at all since all they did was answer his enquiries with comments upon the futility of everything. Yet Eddie clearly wanted the company and truthfully Jervis did prefer to do his fretting with an audience. It seemed less insane to ramble aloud when someone else was at least in ear shot.

However the final decision about his appearance in the morning was his alone and he was actually pretty pleased with how he’d turned out. The strands of blond hair which had gradually been drooping from the café atmosphere were now fluffy and bright again. He’d left it unstyled, both because he hoped to present a sexy bed-rumpled look but also because the professor never seemed to do anything with their hair. It always looked delightfully wind swept.

Unlike Eddie he didn’t favour make-up, given how many memories of his youth it brought back, but he chose particularly smart and typically masculine attire. If need be he could blame the holiday to avoid embarrassment yet he truly hoped the look would be enough to invite favourable comments.

Although he knew it was impossible, he was also attempting to appear taller by having a bowtie instead of a long tie, to avoid their eyes being drawn down his short body, and similarly hoping a long pea coat might lend some length down his sides.

The waistcoat was more for the purpose of keeping his concerns over any signs of either a bust or pudgy stomach being visible, even though he’d had top surgery and knew that shouldn’t be an issue. It still made him feel better to have the smooth stretch of material flowing uninterrupted down. He had also borrowed one item from Eddie for an almost literal confidence boost and that was a pair of heeled boots. Nothing too high but enough to raise some curiosity perhaps.

In that he was to be sadly disappointed.

The professor had come in at the usual time and Jervis had been ready with his most charming smile. Which was pretty much wasted on empty air since the customer’s gaze seemed to be roving everywhere except Jervis. He didn’t even receive one mention of gratitude for keeping the shop open. His spirits sank as he watched them take their coffee and go settle at their usual table, seemingly intent on their normal routine of insular focus. Thankfully, Jervis did receive some other customers after that. Passers-by who although surprised, were happy enough to take advantage of the resource. It was by no means as busy as a standard day but it did serve to keep him occupied up until lunchtime.

Then things grew quiet again. With no workers wanting to walk out for a break and nearly everyone presumably settling in at home with family, the lunchtime rush proved nonexistent. Leaving Jervis to stare rather pathetically across the room. It was upsetting to realise that despite his very best effort, the subject of his fantasies still didn’t notice him, even in a room of two people. He had half a mind to cut his loses, go over and say they’d be shutting early. That wouldn’t contradict his previous statement that they’d be opening after all. It was their fault they hadn’t asked for how long.

This thought was halted as the door opened and another recognisable figure stepped cautiously in.

“Mister Cobblepot,” Jervis greeted instinctively.

“Mister Tetch-”

“Please. Call me Jervis,” he interrupted perhaps too brightly, only too happy to have some familiar company.

His request was acknowledged by a nod as the man approached his counter, his glance nevertheless flickering to the empty display cabinets on the bakery side.

“I was surprised to see the place was open when I passed this morning.”

“Well, not everyone celebrates Thanksgiving you know.” Jervis could not prevent his own eyes flickering to the only occupied table in the room. If Oswald noticed he made no comment on it, instead continuing distractedly,

“I thought I detected an accent.”

As Jervis surveyed him he wondered why the man had come in. Had he hoped to see Ed? Or was he relieved they weren’t here? Was he even sure himself?

With a vague hum, Jervis made his mind up.

“Won’t you join me for a pot of tea? I was going to take a break soon and I do so prefer company.”

Now it was Oswald’s turn to glance over at the other person in the room but he clearly decided not to raise that issue and instead nodded.

Jervis quickly turned and prepared a tray for two while Oswald moved and sat himself at one of the window seats. He’d recovered his poise by the time Jervis rejoined him and took the time his host was pouring out their cups to raise the matter he obviously wished to discuss.

“I was wondering if there was a possibility of a delivery service being arranged? Or whether I might at least request an order for my assistant to collect?”

Jervis hummed as he accepted the solution for his earlier puzzle and then considered his response.

“Will you no longer be able to visit yourself?” he queried gently. “I know Eddie enjoyed seeing you each day.”

The comment drew a flustered blush which he tried to hide by hastily raising his cup for a sip.

“I think Eddie and I had different ideas about our conversations,” he offered when he’d regrouped.

“I can’t speak for your ideas,” Jervis conceded, “but I know Eddie was flattered at the attention and wouldn’t have objected to more.”

“Not from me,” Oswald averred immediately. “I’m sure they enjoy being flirted with but I am clearly not their type.”

“That is definitely not true.” Jervis said this with utter conviction and made sure to keep their gazes locked. “They’ve talked of nothing but you since you first walked through that door. How handsome you are. How smart, in both senses of the word. Do you have any idea how much Eddie loves engaging you with those riddles? That’s not something they do with just anyone. You have to be considered worthy.”

“And Eddie thinks I’m worthy?”

“Absolutely. I know they gave the wrong impression yesterday but I can assure you that wasn’t their intent at all. In fact they were quite distraught last night.”

The thought of Eddie being distraught obviously had the right effect and Oswald smiled in pleasure.

“Perhaps I shall keep my usual schedule then,” he concluded. “If my attentions truly aren’t unwanted.”

“That would be best I think. Oh, one other thing though…” Jervis halted as he realized where his mind was going but then reasoned he might as well continue now. “Eddie’s badge? ‘Ask me my pronouns’? You should probably do that every day.”

He saw the realization wash over Oswald’s face and relaxed as he saw the suggestion accepted gratefully.

“I am in your debt, Mister Tetch.” He reached a hand over. “So let me repay it as best I am able. Your other customer? In the back there? His name is Professor Jonathan Crane. He specializes in psychology at Gotham University.”

With that snippet of information Oswald stood with a smirk, leaving Jervis gaping stupidly at his retreating form. He quickly snapped himself back to attention, casting an anxious look across the room, in case they might have been overheard, although it didn’t seem likely. The professor – _Jonathan_ , Jervis almost sighed at the name – was still lost in his own world. As he busied himself clearing the tea things away Jervis couldn’t help but smile smugly that they’d gotten his title right at least.

Once the space was cleared, he cast his look again across the room. Whether it was the confidence from aiding Eddie’s love life or merely the extra information he now possessed, but Jervis suddenly felt ready to make an approach. Picking up a tea cloth, partly for comfort and also to give a semblance of an excuse for his moving, he gradually ventured down the room, wiping at the long bench as he went. When he finally reached the end and was within two paces of the man’s table, he folded the cloth over his arm and stepped closer.

His eye was immediately caught by the equations on the page and he felt that fate was with him as he recognized some of the accompanying diagrams as complex molecules.

“Is that chemistry?” he enquired hesitantly. “Or biology?”

The interruption brought him their gaze and he offered a friendly smile. The glance didn’t last long but he was relived not to be ignored or dismissed.

“It’s both, to a degree. I’m studying the effects of fear on the human mind.”

“Oh how fascinating! I studied neuroscience in college. Isn’t it amazing how everything basically comes down to chemicals and electrical impulses?”

“You studied neuroscience?”

“Oh yes! My own area of interest was in how microcircuits might be utilized in augmenting brain activity. Sadly my research couldn’t get funding, hence my working here.” He gestured vaguely around before amending quickly, “Not that I don’t love it. But if I had the option I’d take up my studies again.”

Throughout this, Professor Crane had continued to stare at him and Jervis thrilled at the continuing attention even as he flushed slightly at his own enthusiasm. Then with a slow blink Jonathan tilted his head thoughtfully.

“Perhaps… you could help with this survey I’m conducting? I’m interested in how gender might be important in how we interrupt threats.”

The reference to gender effectively quashed any hope Jervis had rising in his chest and he was suddenly aware of his own awkwardness.

“I’m not sure you’d want my help for that,” he answered cautiously. “You probably don’t have a category for people like me.”

Despite wishing he’d never dared speak in the first place, Jervis never considered hiding being trans. If he wanted to build any relationship with the professor then it would be essential to tell him at some point. Even if this wasn’t exactly how he’d have envisaged the conversation.

“People like you,” was echoed back at him in a tone heavy as lead. “Tell me, what sort of professor do you take me for?”

The angry question startled Jervis and he glanced up in alarm. He wasn’t given an opportunity to answer however.

“Do you really think I’m such an idiot as to limit myself to the traditional binary genders? I have categories for trans, intersex, genderfluid, and any other you care to mention.” He reached out and clawed his papers up into a messy bundle that he clutched to his chest, fiery eyes still burning at Jervis.

“I’m sorry. I just… I’m not used to people recognizing-”

He was interrupted with a sneer.

“Well I’m not _most_ people.”

Before Jervis could offer any further apology the man had stalked away and stomped out the door.

For several minutes all he could do was stand and wonder how everything could have gone so very wrong. He was used to people reacting badly to knowing he was trans but not to him anticipating that response. Eventually he walked numbly to the door and turned the lock, despite the early hour, before moving to begin closing up. It didn’t take long and then he was left to stand alone thinking what he should do next. He couldn’t decide, not wanting to experience anything and perfectly content to stand forever alone in an empty room so long as it kept the hurt from his heart.

The decision was taken out of his hands however as he heard the shop door open again. He frowned in confusion at the sound, since he was perfectly sure he’d locked it, only to come face to face with Eddie, Query and Echo, each bearing Tupperware boxes of food.

“Since you couldn’t join us,” Query told him, “We decided to join you.”

“It wouldn’t be thanksgiving without you,” Eddie opined.

“It really wouldn’t,” Echo concurred, already setting her things down.

The gesture from the three people who meant most to him brought tears to his eyes and he quickly wiped them away. He might have lost one prospect today but he was not alone. And for now he would focus on the love he had from these friends which he knew he would never have cause to doubt.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanksgiving was a time for, as the name implied, giving thanks so Jervis made a concerted effort not to spoil proceedings by whining about the unfairness of love. Instead he focused himself on the happiness of having three such wonderful people in his life who went out of their way to include him and tried not to focus on those who were not destined to join that circle.

He fooled no-one of course – they all knew him too well – but they respected his unspoken wish to put whatever was upsetting him aside for the time being. Edward at least could put two and two together as to why he’d be unhappy and was actually quite sympathetic, in his own circuitous way. It occurred to Jervis that perhaps he should tell Eddie what had transpired with Oswald yet he bit his tongue.

For one thing, asides from toasting the prosperity of their joint venture, there had been an admonition to avoid shop talk. Partly for his benefit he was sure but also because neither Echo nor Query wanted to be side-lined while they drifted into work related bickering. For another, discussing the conversation with Oswald would likely raise the issue of Jonathan and Jervis wasn’t willing to disrupt the evening by navigating that tripwire.

More selfishly, he was also simply enjoying the solidarity – misery loves company after all – and Edward was offering him the more generous portions so Jervis would be a fool to disillusion him too quickly. But he resolved to do so the very next morning.

When he saw Eddie down the street as he was hunting his pockets for the keys to open the shop, he couldn’t help but smile widely. It was clearly fate that led his friend to dress to impress on this day of all days. It wasn’t the most practical outfit from a work point of view but it should certainly leave an impression on Mister Cobblepot.

A pair of high heeled boots accentuated their already long figure even further as well as highlighting their calves attractively. The knee length pencil skirt showed just enough leg in the gap to reveal a pair of bright green stockings were underneath. While the lower half could be described as entirely feminine, the top remained a masculine hallmark of suit shirt and jacket, albeit one cinched to emphasis the narrow waist. Jervis recognised the question mark tie as one he’d bought them last Christmas.

When Eddie was closer he could also see they’d gone all out on make-up today. Bright red lipstick, blusher, sweeping eye shadow and long lash mascara. Despite the instinctive assumption however Jervis still tilted his head and enquired, “Pronouns?”

“She/her,” Eddie answered with a curl of her lips.

Jervis nodded and resumed fumbling for keys in his deep pockets. He hadn’t been sure how Eddie would react today to Jervis’ heart ache. It had crossed his mind that she’d want to lament together. Yet it appeared he’d been mistaken. In fact, if he knew Eddie at all then she’d be trying to encourage him out later to bury the memory of their recent failures by throwing themselves at any willing company. Or Eddie would be throwing herself. Jervis would be trying to survive the night unscathed. And rescuing Eddie when her encounter inevitably went south.

It was therefore a particular relief to be able to reassure her that her hoped for romance wasn’t as dead in the water as she’d feared. So, finally getting the right key in hand, he coughed briskly to focus her attention. Only to be interrupted himself by a harsher cough from behind him.

He saw Eddie’s surprised look first before turning and finding himself face to chest with a familiar figure. Tilting his head upwards he found himself looking at Jonathan’s awkward face. The man was staring diligently down at the door sill, his briefcase once more held somewhat defensively between them.

“Oh! Professor.” Jervis ducked his own head and tried to hide his flustered reaction by sweeping his fringe out of the way. “We’ll be open in a moment.”

“Actually,” his gaze flickered over Jervis, up to Eddie, back to Jervis and then away again. “I was hoping to have a private word first.”

Eddie promptly leant around her tongue tied partner and plucked the key from his hand.

“I’ll make a start,” she offered brightly and swiftly disappeared inside.

The silence stretched tensely in the air until Jervis had to break it.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he blurted only to have a palm held up to halt him.

“No.” Jonathan sighed. “I should apologise. Your presumption was valid, given the society in which we live. I’m just… rather defensive about my work being challenged. Not all my peers approve of my studies.”

The explanation caused Jervis to smile tentatively.

“Well, given you’re the one remembering to include the entire spectrum of humanity, I know whose studies I’d trust.”

Jonathan offered his own hesitant smile in response. Jervis noted his habitual head tip to try and conceal it but his shorter height meant he was perfectly placed to still see it. He decided to risk another venture in light of their reconciliation.

“If you still want my input I’d be happy to help. I could count towards your quota of trans men and Eddie will probably be willing to take part too. They’re genderfluid. My twin’s agender too,” he babbled into the continuing quiet. “Although I don’t know any intersex people.”

“You know me,” he was answered softly.

Almost as if he regretted speaking the professor then straightened and shifted his burden to extend a hand.

“Jonathan Crane.”

Jervis automatically took the hand in his, still slightly dazed by both the confession and conversation.

“Jervis Tetch,” he eventually remembered.

Jonathan disengaged their hands and nodded briskly. After a few seconds he gestured at the doorway, obviously indicating he no longer wanted to stand outside. The prompt jump started Jervis into motion and he hurried inside to begin helping Eddie get everything ready. Despite receiving pointedly questioning glances from his business partner, Jervis refused to explain immediately. He’d seen Jonathan go to his usual table and hastened to prepare his habitual order ready for when he arrived back at the counter.

This time when he accepted the cup he offered a smile and murmured, “thank you,” before heading away again.

As the morning rush began to filter in, Jervis finally relented and conveyed the entirety of his brief exchange with Eddie, including an abridged version of events from yesterday, at least as they related to the professor. He didn’t want to give the impression of trying to side-line Eddie while she questioned him on every minute interaction Jonathan and he had had in her absence.

Late morning came quickly and Jonathan returned both for a refill and to present three questionnaires to Jervis. One for himself, one for Eddie and one for Query. Jervis blushed as he was again treated to a smile and expression of gratitude, simple as it was. His distraction wasn’t allowed long however since Eddie was immediately focused on what sort of questions were involved. Jervis agreed she should take the first lunch break but reminded her that would only be after they’d served lunch to everyone else.

She pouted but could hardly argue. As it was they were sufficiently busy that the two barely interacted over the next few hours, both as they rushed through customers and then each took their allotted time to relax and recharge. And in Eddie’s case whiz through the questionnaire. Jonathan didn’t seem entirely impressed with the speedy response but he couldn’t find any fault in his initial check through her answers.

Eddie was looking wholly too smug as she sauntered back from presenting it to him only to stumble when the door opened to reveal Oswald stepping inside. They both froze. Eddie looking like a rabbit in the headlights and Oswald like he was experiencing a software reboot. From his position off to the side, Jervis could easily observe them both and also noted Jonathan glancing curiously at the tableau.

“Eddie,” Oswald finally spoke, a warm smile spreading across his face. “You look wonderful today.”

“Oh, this?” Not even the powder could conceal the blush on her cheeks. “Just… dressing to impress I guess.”

“Well it certainly does that.” He stepped closer. “I was hoping to see you today but, before I continue, may I ask your pronouns my dear.”

Eddie’s hair being tied back for work purposes meant Jervis could fully see the blush spreading up to her ear tips.

“She/her,” she answered quietly but firmly. Oswald’s smile softened.

“I apologise for not realising sooner you were both the riddle and the riddler. Now, what would you recommend for my sweet tooth today?”

It wasn’t clear what was unbalancing her most, Oswald’s casual walk back into her life when she’d thought him lost, or the relief of her changing pronouns being a non-issue. She recovered herself quickly either way and hurried back round her counter to eagerly reach for what she considered the best of the day’s baking. She hesitated before handing them over though.

“Even if I do not come looking for it, it will come looking for me.”

The riddle brought a puzzled frown to his face and he glanced instinctively at the pastry labels before recalling that Ed had already boxed his treats. He looked up again with a quizzical smile.

“I’m not sure I follow,” he admitted.

“Fate.” She explained. “Do you believe in fate?”

“I believe we make our own destinies. And speaking of making plans… it’s my birthday soon and I shall be hosting a party for my… associates. Most of them are rather tedious but too important not to cater to. Which is where you come in. If possible, I’d like to hire your services to prepare a number of cakes in advance. They don’t have to be perfect. I’m sure anything you consider adequate would already be beyond their limited palattes.” He cast her an indulgent look before adding, “Although I’d also like to have a personal cake, for myself to privately enjoy on the day. And, if you have no other plans, you’d be welcome to attend. As my special guest.”

Eddie had stared almost uncomprehendingly throughout but the final question registered.

“I’d love to!”

Oswald chuckled.

“I haven’t even told you when it is yet.”

This didn’t dampen her enthusiasm any and she shrugged the admonition off.

“My plans are usually pretty flexible, I’m sure I can make myself available.”

“And the catering?”

“Shouldn’t be a problem. Let me know date, time, numbers, any allergies or preferences, whether you’re having any sort of themes-”

“Of course,” he interrupted understandingly. “Then you may quote your price and I’ll have my accountant pay you.” He stepped away. “My assistant should finish collating the necessary details over the weekend. I’ll let you have the information Monday.”

“You won’t be disappointed,” she promised.

As he left, Eddie stretched her arms over the counter top and sighed.

“He doesn’t hate me!”

“Hate you? He invited you to his birthday party as his date!”

“What? No. He invited me to cater and extended a courtesy invite. It’s not a date.”

“Well, what was it he said? You should make your own fate. You’ll just have to make yourself utterly irresistible at that party.”

“Utterly irresistible. Check.” Her eyes lit up. “ _Or_ , I make the most delicious birthday cake anyone has ever tasted and decorate it with a riddle fit for the most epic romance!”

Jervis couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Still, the riddles had been working thus far. Eddie was certainly a stage further with her prospective partner than he was with his. Although looking across and catching those soulful eyes glancing back reassured him he was still in the race. Though the victory was in reaching the finish at all, not in who finished first. And in that he hoped they’d both succeed.


	7. Chapter 7

Trying to decide what to wear for future events was always a complicated task for Ed. Not just because they were never sure how they might be feeling over their gender on the date in question but primarily because Eddie always wanted to look like they’d fallen out of the pages from a fashion magazine. Not an easy task when you’d been kicked out by your family and had dedicated everything you could accumulate on a start-up business.

Jervis proved incredibly helpful however. Although he did have an annoying tendency to simply claim Ed looked good whatever they wore, he did have incredible tailoring skills. The gift of a childhood devoted to unwanted lessons. So Eddie’s thrift store buys of shirts and skirts in eye catching fabrics could often be turned into something uniquely stunning. Query was the one who looked Ed over and succinctly summarised the pros and cons of each look.

Eventually they had two outfits, both guaranteed to garner them attention, which they had to choose between. Neither Jervis nor Query were prepared to offer advice on the final deliberation which also rested on the prediction of how Oswald might prefer them to present themselves. Although he’d shown great sangfroid in using whichever pronouns were asked for, Eddie was aware that the situation might be different in front of a crowd of important guests.

Even discounting the concern of whether this was a date or not – Jervis still vehemently insisting it was – would it be better to dress traditionally so as not to cause any dissent? Or would Oswald expect Ed to present however they felt and damn the people who wouldn’t show the proper respect?

On the day she woke up feeling decidedly feminine and realised to try and act any other way would doom the evening to failure. Most of the day passed in a rushed blur as the necessity of preparing cupcakes filled all her attention. She couldn’t even have said whether the shop was busy or not, although she did notice Jervis wandering into the kitchen occasionally to grab more of her pre-prepared baking. It was an hour before the shop was to shut that one of Oswald’s workers arrived with a van to transport the cakes. Although she wasn’t one hundred percent happy with them, she deemed them passable and let him carry them out. One large box however she took herself from the fridge. This _was_ perfect and she had probably stayed up too late the night before making sure of it.

Despite her willingness to stay and help Jervis shut up, she was shooed away to get herself ready for her own expected chauffeur. She might have put up more resistance if the professor hadn’t been looking like he wanted an empty room in which to talk with Jervis. Her amused hint to Jervis on the subject produced a fierce blush followed by an equally insistent rebuttal about her own ‘date’ so she quickly dropped it. Plus, she really did want every minute to make herself beautiful.

By the time the car arrived to collect her, she was feeling confident. The dress she was wearing clung to her in all the right places and was interlaced with glittering threads to catch the light as she walked. After a brief deliberation she had also opted for a pair of kitten heels rather than her preferred boots. It might be unrealistic but she didn’t want to elevate herself out of range if Oswald did want to welcome her with a cheek kiss. The baking marathon had meant her nails had to be fakes applied quickly but she trusted no-one would be judging her on that.

As to make-up, she’d had to go relatively simply given her time constraints. Just a touch of vivid red to her lips and a brush of lavender over the eyes, with the standard work to smooth out everything else. Her hair she’d curled very lightly to frame her face in an attempt to soften the lines of her chin.

Her confidence faltered very slightly as the man driving her seemed not distracted, merely holding the brightly wrapped box for her as she curled herself into the car. Yet when she was delivered at the destination, and saw everyone else in standard suits and formal gowns, she felt a renewed sense of assurance. They had no pizzazz or charisma and didn’t know how to carry themselves on a catwalk.

So when the door was opened and she was handed onto the red carpet for the Iceberg Lounge, Eddie fell naturally into a sultry pose practiced countless times in front of a mirror. Various paparazzi lurking for whatever shots they could get immediately turned to her, perhaps despite not knowing who she was or maybe because of it, and her confidence soared. Pausing just long enough for photos, while giving an impression of distraction with the grandeur of the place, she then strolled elegantly inside, relishing the camera flashes that followed her.

The change inside halted her with a gasp. Even though the name implied an icy theme, she had never actually expected anything this lavish. A huge sculpted iceberg dominated the centre of the room, surrounded by a sparkling blue pool and decorated, if one could use such a term, by a waddle of penguins. She found herself wondering if they were merely there as party accessories or if they were a permanent feature.

It wasn’t merely the flaunting of wealth that caused her hesitation however. Inside, the calibre of guests was obviously higher than those waiting optimistically outside. Every dress she saw was tailor made and unique. Each woman wore exquisite make-up and expensive jewellery and suddenly Ed felt not only the poor relation but also very much an interloper to their world. She might even have turned tail and escaped if not for the other sight that met her eyes.

Oswald was headed determinedly in her direction with a happy smile on his face.

“Eddie my dear! I’m so pleased to see you! And don’t you look wonderful?”

He paused a pace away to cast his gaze appreciatively up and down, sending a flutter through Ed.

“You should see me when I really make an effort,” she teased to try and hide her anxiousness.

“I’m not sure my old heart would stand the strain,” Oswald joked back before changing the topic. “Your cupcakes are delicious by the way. I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t get a lot more orders after this.”

The later comment passed Ed by as she fixated on the first surprise.

“ _You’re_ not eating them are you?”

“Yes. Why? They’re not poisoned are they?” He laughed but with a false ring that Eddie knew she’d worry about later.

“No, of course not. But they’re not my best. I brought you your _own_ cake though.”

“Don’t worry. I’m certain to have room for some later.” Oswald’s smile fell slightly. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to spend as much time with you as I’d like this evening. There’s been something of a contretemps between some important families and I must sooth ruffled feathers.”

“I understand.” Ed shifted a little, wondering whether this was a subtle retraction of her invite.

“Please do enjoy yourself though. The bar is free to you and if anyone dares misgender you or looks askance at you in any way, just give the word to my staff and they’ll deal with it.”

A wave of relief washed over her that she was still wanted and she nodded in response. Oswald hesitated as he seemed to consider what to say next.

“I’ll look for you when this is done,” he promised. “We’ll have our time together then. Okay?”

Eddie offered a smile this time and Oswald appeared satisfied. As he headed off again, she watched him leave with a thrill of anticipation for the promised later.

Getting to that time though proved more tedious. The other guests were just as dull as Oswald had previously indicated and although Eddie made an effort to engage several of them in witty talk, it proved futile. She did receive compliments on the cupcakes, if people realised she was the baker, but she rather felt they then relegated her position to duty invitee. Which began niggling at her mind as the evening progressed.

For all her belief in her own mental superiority the fact remained that everyone else here played a more pivotal role in the business affairs of Gotham and thus in Oswald’s life. They were the bankers, corporate managers, and distinguished families whose whims affected the daily life of people like her. It also occurred to her that these were probably some of the people her, Echo and Query had inconvenienced with their online hacking.

Feeling awkward standing near the bar she wandered towards the central structure and idly began monitoring the birds. Even if they all looked the same at first glance, up close it was easier to see their differences, either in markings or behavioural patterns. She wondered what their societal rules were and whether any of them had trouble following them. None appeared ostracised.

Watching their interactions and activities she lost herself in piecing together their social lives until a voice spoke from close behind her.

“They’re amazing creatures. Although too often dismissed as amusing oddities rather than the evolutionary marvels they are.”

Glancing round she realised the crowds had dispersed considerably, with the last few inebriated guests being ushered out by the club bouncers. Oswald came and leant beside her, still focused on the birds. She looked back that way too but he changed the topic.

“Apologies again for deserting you. I hope your evening was pleasant?”

“I entertained myself.” She offered a non-committal shrug.

He seemed to take it as an admonishment if his slight flinch was any indication.

“I should have taken the time to introduce you properly,” he spoke more to himself than to her, eyes fixated on the tuxedoed birds. “Although I’m not sure what I would be introducing you as. I mean, is there a term you prefer or would you like me to say sometimes boyfriend or girlfriend? And what about when you’re using they/them pronouns?”

“Are you my boyfriend?” Eddie blurted in response causing Oswald to blanch.

“Am I being too presumptuous? Or going too fast? If so I apolo-”

“No! No,” Eddie interrupted. “I’d like that.”

There was a visible release of tension from his shoulders as he relaxed again.

“Then perhaps I might suggest the term ‘sweetheart’? In acknowledgement of our meeting through baking?”

Eddie blushed and nodded before remembering the gift she’d brought.

“Speaking of,” she murmured. “Perhaps you should open your cake now.”

Oswald immediately turned and caught the eye of his wait staff to go fetch the set aside box. As they scuttled off to obey, he guided Eddie to a nearby table where they could still sit and watch the birds. It was scarce seconds later that the large white box tied up with ribbon was deposited between them.

The tension was probably entirely on Eddie’s side as Oswald smiled happily and unwrapped his expected cake. Then he paused to survey it once the lid was open, turning the box slightly to better read it.

“What is priceless and not for sale but comes to you for free?” he recited. A confused frown pulled at his brow although the smile never left his lips as he looked up. “I’m not sure I know,” he confessed hesitantly.

“You do,” Eddie answered him, reaching out a hand. “You’re just as nervous as I was earlier. The answer… is ‘love’.”

She saw the word light up his eyes before he seized her hand and pulled it to his lips.

“Love,” he echoed happily.

She enwrapped her fingers with his and finally allowed herself to let down her guard and simply enjoy the moment.


	8. Chapter 8

Given Edward’s lack of baking for the shop the day before, he was having to focus on it today to restock the shelves. It wasn’t the type of thing he could reasonably do days in advance, not without freezing and defrosting cakes which he abhorred doing. Whipping up a few easy treats and cupcakes temporarily covered the morning but that wouldn’t satisfy his creative urge and he practically barricaded himself in the kitchen to create pastries worthy of his name for both the afternoon and the next morning.

All of which meant that Jervis was once again left manning the shop front himself, only this time with a perpetual stream of customers wanting cakes or tea. Jonathan had arrived first thing as usual and was sequestered at his own table, but every other space was unusually packed. A number of customers were enjoying pots of tea while they awaited whatever would next be delivered out of the bakery section.

When Oswald wandered in Jervis couldn’t help but glance to the clock in alarm, thinking it must be gone 5 already, but saw it was still mid-afternoon. His welcoming smile was genuine but still tense with the stress of the day.

“Eddie’s busy out the back I’m afraid.”

“That’s alright, I know I’m early.” He cast his gaze around the busy room. “Is there some special event I’m unaware of?”

“Just a backlog of customers for Ed’s pastries. Don’t worry though, your own order will be set aside as usual.”

Oswald nodded and looked about again, his eye noticing the reclusive professor.

“I’ll wait for Eddie,” he said. “If I could have a pot of one of your special brews when you have a minute?”

“Absolutely.” Jervis grinned and then visibly steeled himself as Oswald moved aside and the next customer hustled forward.

With an idle thought to proposing they take on a helper – at least to clear tables and record orders – he made his way deliberately over to where Professor Crane was hunched almost defensively over his work.

“May I sit here?” he interrupted politely.

The man jumped and blinked up at him before scowling and turning his head to survey the rest of the room. Oswald got the distinct impression he’d been planning on pointing out another available seat before clearly realising how full the place had gotten since he’d settled in to work. With a shrug he sullenly acquiesced, carefully pulling his papers out of the way as his guest sat himself.

It was a deliberate tactic for Oswald to fiddle about leaning his umbrella carefully and removing his outdoor accoutrements in order to allow Crane time to mentally adjust. When he felt he’d dallied enough however he extended a hand over.

“Oswald Cobblepot,” he introduced himself.

“Yes.” Jonathan caught his hand and briskly shook it. “I know who you are.”

The tone implied that he knew a fair bit more than Oswald might commonly want known but if he hoped to intimidate him he was to be disappointed as Oswald only gave him a self-satisfied smile.

“I know who _you_ are,” he responded with his own particular emphasis. “Professor Crane.”

Now it was Jonathan’s turn to look wary although he quickly hid it with a scoff.

“I suppose Jervis told you.”

“Actually, _I_ told _him_ ,” Oswald corrected. “He seems quite taken with you.”

That remark flustered Jonathan and he glanced aside only to catch Jervis’ eye, who sent him a glowing smile, immediately flustering him more. He set his gaze determinedly on the table top.

“If you’re at all interested in him I’d suggest you tell him so,” Oswald continued blithely. “You certainly won’t be rejected.”

“I don’t recall asking for your advice,” Jonathan snapped, bringing his angry face up to glare across at Oswald. His expression was enough to make Oswald retreat from that particular avenue of conversation and he tilted his head in acceptance of the rebuke.

“Since I’m here, there is another matter I’d like to discuss. If you’re amenable?”

Another scoff answered him before Jonathan spoke.

“That rather depends what it is, doesn’t it?”

He received a quirk of the lips for his retort and it made Jonathan feel slightly better.

“I’d like to discuss your research. Specifically your formula for a fear toxin.”

Jonathan’s jaw dropped and he hastily glanced round to check they couldn’t have been overheard.

“How do you know about that?” he hissed before realising he should have pretended ignorance.

Opposite him Oswald was studiously examining his purple nail polish for chips.

“Oh, a little bird told me.” He turned his piercing gaze up. “It sounds most fascinating.”

It was impossible for Jonathan to continue to meet that intense stare and he was especially grateful for Jervis’ arrival with a tray of tea.

“I brought two cups,” the shorter man announced as he began unloading the things and looked through his lashes to Jonathan. “I know you prefer coffee but thought perhaps… you might… like to try…?”

Undoubtedly it was a result of the gratitude for the timely interruption that affected his reaction but Jonathan actually smiled. Keeping his face turned away from his table companion, he met Jervis’ hesitant look.

“Maybe I shall,” he conceded softly.

He may as well have confessed undying love to the man for the blush and stammering reply he got. Jervis almost tripped over his own feet attempting to return to the counter. Jonathan watched him go partly to avoid returning to the prior conversation but also speculating whether he _should_ approach Jervis about starting… something.

Eventually he refocused his attention to find Oswald pouring two cups out for them. The presentation of his teacup with a noticeable silence about his interaction with Jervis was very clearly a quid pro quo for the continuation of their current discussion. Jonathan accepted both cup and fate with equal resignation.

“The formula works,” he offered.

“You’ve tested it.”

Jonathan paused as he registered that hadn’t been phrased as a question. He met Oswald’s gaze with a speculative look and the man raised an eyebrow in answer. It indicated there was little point in prevaricating about lab rats. It was an expression that said, if he wanted, Oswald could make Jonathan’s life at the university come to an undignified end. The only question now was establishing how Jonathan could keep that goodwill.

He waited for Oswald to continue and irritatingly the man chose to sip at his tea first.

“You really should try this. I don’t know how the man does it but each blend is always perfectly suited for my mood.”

As much to get the delay over with as anything Jonathan complied, albeit grudgingly. However even he couldn’t hold his surly expression once the fragrant drink touched his lips. Oswald caught his expression and smirked.

“You really should snatch him up before someone else does,” he suggested.

“What do you want?” Jonathan tilted his head down, superficially to focus on returning his cup to its saucer but truly hoping to hide the warmth that had flooded his cheeks.

“I want access to your research. I can think of several scenarios where the utilisation of your toxin could alleviate business problems.”

The proposal wasn’t exactly surprising but Jonathan still took a few seconds to turn it over in his mind.

“And what are you offering?”

“Your own facility, safe from persecution. A stipend to cover expenses.”

“And in return you’ll want sole access?” he queried.

“Yes. I’ll appoint security to ensure your research is well guarded, meaning the only source of any leak would be yourself.”

“Trust me, _I_ don’t want anyone else getting their hands on it either.” Distractedly he picked up his tea again and inhaled before drinking. “Which means I won’t hand it out for anyone else to use. If it’s to be applied, then _I_ shall be doing it.”

“I’d have thought you’d want distance and plausible deniability?”

Jonathan hesitated, unsure how to explain to a layman the importance of observing your creation in the field. Of testing and analysing responses in order to amend and improve the work. The thrill that came from seeing a successful application.

In the end he simply shrugged.

“I’m sure we can come up with a mask or disguise if necessary.”

The purple nails drummed on the table top as this stipulation was considered.

“That sounds reasonable.” He smiled confidently. “I’ll set the wheels in motion.”

Nodding again in acceptance, Jonathan felt his discomfort increase as silence fell. Oswald seemed content now to wait for his dinner date without further conversation but Jonathan wasn’t so relaxed about returning to his work. Instead he returned his attention to drinking the provided tea, surprised to find the aroma actually did help to calm his tension.

It was still a relief however when Edward appeared and Oswald left him to go find out what treat was concealed in the gift wrapped box for him. Yet Jonathan still couldn’t settle back to his study. He reasoned that was likely because he was now aware of the short time he had until the shop closed but it didn’t explain why his eyes now chose instead to follow Jervis about.

Eventually he decided enough was enough and slipped his papers away before neatly gathering the tea things and heading over.

“Oh, you didn’t need to do that,” Jervis immediately admonished. “I’d have fetched them.”

“You’ve been busy enough today.” He cut his glance sideways to where Oswald and Edward were still engaged in a tête à tête. If they noticed his irritation both ignored it.

“Well that’s very kind,” Jervis continued oblivious to the side glance.

Jonathan licked his lips briefly.

“I trust you’ll be getting a break over the holiday?”

“Christmas? Oh yes, we’ll be shut I’m afraid.”

“That wasn’t… I meant… are you doing anything?” He ran a hand over his head in frustration with himself.

“I’ll be spending it with my twin and their girlfriend. Nothing elaborate. I’m not sure what Eddie will be up to.” This time Jervis threw a significant look to the others which was also ignored.

The distraction gave Jonathan the breathing room he needed.

“Perhaps we could see each other sometime? Away from here?”

The impromptu invite brought Jervis’ attention swinging back with a stunned look before he broke into a brilliant smile.

“I’d like that! Very much!”

“Okay. I’ll… come up with a plan then.” Jonathan began backing away, uncomfortable now with being the sole focus of his concentrated happiness. “Tomorrow,” he concluded vaguely before almost darting for the door.

He was still sure he caught a final smug look from his new employer, who he properly knew as the Penguin.


	9. Chapter 9

It wasn’t that they weren’t happy for Ed but the constant bragging got aggravating very quickly. Especially when one of you were the past partner and the other their new girlfriend. Still, it was the festive season so Echo and Query were both doing their best to remain civil. Or more correctly, they were in need of Eddie’s expertise and silently agreed not to kick him out until they were done.

The timing was perfect. Over the holidays, more people were otherwise occupied and anomalies in the system could easily get overlooked. By the time anyone noticed the theft the temporary lair would be cleared out and all incriminating evidence disposed of. The pair were always careful about keeping their hauls under what they considered a safe limit i.e. enough to be worth their time but not enough to warrant enthusiastic recriminations.

From a personal point of view too it meant Ed had been available to them.

Oswald was busily engaged hosting various seasonal parties in his nightclub and, although he had invited Eddie to attend whenever he wished as his special guest, it had seemed likely that they wouldn’t actually get much time together. So they had agreed to enjoy a quiet celebration together when things were quieter and Ed had happily accepted his partners in crime’s invitation.

Truth to tell, he was as excited as them about the evening’s target. Nothing so ambitious as the Wayne corporation but in its way far more intriguing and challenging.

For a while now they had been monitoring a virtual presence that appeared in countless transactions all over the city, mostly on the shady side of things. The money trail wound through weaponry to suits, from umbrellas to politics, ornithology to gambling, yet never landing on any personally incriminating details. No name, address or contact, just the strangely ominous appellation of ‘Penguin’. Echo had made something of a game since first spotting it, seeing how few links she had to follow before tripping over the familiar persona. Not many was her general conclusion, repeated emphatically as she angled for them to be their next target.

It had been put off for a while, due to the seeming difficulty of locating any viable source of wealth to rob, until Ed had proposed not cracking the safe but redirecting the deposit. Interrupting the monetary flow itself by altering some very specific code for the intended recipient. Still difficult, and fiddly if there were numerous paths to cover, but possible.

And an utterly irresistible challenge.

Echo and Query had done most of the research and all of the leg work in finding their current hideaway, tampering with the lines to get a concealed connection, and perhaps most importantly, raiding the stores for the equipment they’d need. Consequently they’d get the lion’s share of the proceeds if Ed could pull it off. He didn’t mind that though. For him it was all about proving his skill against the most secure systems in the city. Or likely the world given the high level of business conducted from Gotham.

He was already feeling smug, despite having barely started, because of the implied expectation of his success from the others. Although it was also due to his new beau, hence his animated chatter.

“And did I tell you about the new concept he has for a restaurant? The distinguishing feature would be that customers write their _own_ orders down, negating the possibility of communication error. No arguments over whether they specified ‘no onions’. It would be really swanky _naturally_. Penthouse views all round. A proper dress code. And he said he’d like to get me preparing the desserts but with a team under me for the drudge work. Only the very finest ingredients. Whatever I said would go.”

“You’ve told us this,” Echo interrupted. “You’ve told us at least three times now.”

“If you’ll remember,” Query added pointedly. “I asked you where that would leave my brother without a business partner.”

Edward shifted, although keeping his focus on the screen and fingers still dancing over the keypad.

“It’s only a concept proposal,” he demurred. “And I wouldn’t leave Jervis in the lurch. You know that.”

“How are you getting on?” Echo enquired quickly, hoping to avoid any further unnecessary elaboration.

It had the desired result of derailing the conversation but did earn her an eye roll.

“Like I told you when you asked the _last_ time… and the time before that… it’s a complicated process. I can’t tell how many lines I’ll have to navigate until I finish tracing them all. But the more I get the better the payoff will be.”

“What do you say we take a holiday with the money?” Query purred to Echo, snaking their arm about her waist and pulling them close. “Somewhere tropical, with beautiful sandy beaches.”

“Oswald has a private island.” Ed could not restrain his smirk. “Total privacy. Provisions ferried in daily. Every convenience your heart could desire. He’s promised to take me there.”

Query rolled their eyes and slumped back, exasperated by the interruption to their seduction.

“Yes, yes. We get it. He’s loaded. Ready to spoil you rotten. I bet he’s hung like a horse too.”

The saucy teasing made Echo laugh but Eddie tensed and sniffed derisively.

“That isn’t what’s important to me.”

Both Echo and Query perked up at that snooty reply and leaned forward with intrigue. It was Query who got in a counter reply first however.

“Do you mean to tell me there’s an aspect where he isn’t mister perfect?” They faked utter shock and surprise while Echo stifled her giggles.

“I’m not saying that,” Ed immediately argued. “Its just… we haven’t got that far yet,” he admitted.

“Wait!” Echo instructed unnecessarily. “You’ve been dating… how long?” She glanced to Query who shrugged so she rephrased herself. “You’ve been dating all this time and you haven’t had sex yet? Eddie indulge-all-my-senses-in-pleasure hasn’t tested out the new boyfriend yet?”

With his back still to them he shrugged.

“It hasn’t come up yet.”

“It hasn’t come up?” Echo repeated, “or it hasn’t come up,” she insinuated.

At that he did throw a glare back at the pair of them.

“I can assure you that there’s no lack of interest. I’d be _more_ than happy to do the horizontal tango. And I’ve seen him getting flustered too when I wear something… more provocative.” He smirked. “But we’ve always been somewhere public. Or he’s been busy with business. There’s never been enough time to steal away. And I don’t want to rush our first time.”

“Aww,” Query broke back into the situation, leaning forward to give him an awkward hug. “Maybe this really is the one for you Eddie. If you’re prepared to wait for the rewards.”

He tried to dislodge them without breaking his movements over the keyboard only to be enveloped from the other side by Echo.

“Maybe in the new year, if he takes you to his private island, you could have a first time that’s real special.”

“And once those floodgates are open,” Query giggled from his other shoulder. “I bet you won’t be able to walk right for a week!”

They both dissolved into childish laughter and he fixed all his attention onto the screen, filling in another line of code before resolutely hitting enter.

“Right. That’s it,” he announced.

“Huh? What?”

“That’s the last line I’m changing. It’s now a game of chicken for how long we leave it running.”

The others let out excited shrieks as they let go of him and hurried to clear the place of any incriminating signs of their presence. Ed let them while he supervised the scrolling figures on his monitor, his nose wrinkling at the heavy smell of bleach which quickly permeated the air. Where his specialty was in subtlety, theirs was tactless as a brick through the window.

Although he felt a sudden gladness for that when he saw fluctuations indicating another computer programmer was already correcting his alterations.

“Time’s ticking,” he called. “I’m closing this down before they trace us.”

Despite his own speed he was aware it might even now have been too long. If their opponent had focused on following a line back rather than shutting all the leaks then it was entirely possible they had the location already. He had used every diversionary trick he knew however and as long as they were fast on their feet, and not too hasty about accessing the hidden cache, they should be okay.

He ran the shutdown and immediately rose out the chair to head towards the door. It occurred to him why he bothered as he saw them spraying lighter fluid over his workstation. He couldn’t deny it was the quickest and safest way to hide evidence though. As the flames crackled into life, they all hurried out and away from the derelict property with all the speed of kids charged with leaving school without running in the corridors.

They meandered through several streets and side alleys before eventually coming to a stop outside a brightly lit shopping centre. With Query’s arm draped over Echo’s shoulders and Ed wearing his lucky bowler they looked indistinguishable from many other groups out enjoying the evening.

“That was _almost_ a challenge,” he proclaimed, content to downplay the anxiety now that it was over. “It was certainly fun.”

“Yeah, well, enjoy it while it lasts.” Query’s mood had obviously sunk now that the fun part was over and the waiting had begun. “I doubt your new beau will approve of these types of games.”

“I don’t see why what I do in my own time should make any difference to him.” Ed’s eyes conveyed he knew the dangerous ground he was treading on but wasn’t prepared to face it yet.

Echo chose to cut him a break.

“I think you’re a way off sharing these kinds of personal hobbies,” she opined before smirking. “You’ve got to see if you’re physically compatible yet.”

Edward blushed, strangely shy now they were out in public and back to being ordinary citizens.

“Enjoy the private island,” Query added over their shoulder, even as they turned away and walked off to mingle with the other crowds.

He considered doing the same, perhaps even finding a show of some kind to sneak in to, before realising he didn’t want to do that at all. What he wanted was to see Oswald. Which he couldn’t do because the man was otherwise busy. So Ed decided to do the next best thing – go home and lie in bed with his fantasies.


	10. Chapter 10

There were various reasons why Jervis had not actually told Edward he was going on a date tonight. For one thing, Ed hadn’t really been interested in Jervis’ plans. His friend had extended the usual invite for Jervis to join them on their criminal caper but by now it really was a formality that it would be declined. No reason was ever necessary anymore.

For another thing, telling Ed that Jonathan had invited him to visit the Winter Wonderland with him would subject him to an almost unbearable level of quizzing in the aftermath. Prior experience had taught Jervis that Ed generally forgot not everyone had an eidetic memory. Jervis barely even had a passable memory when emotionally compromised and, whatever else happened, he was sure to be emotionally all over the place.

Which tied to the final reason he had said nothing about the date; he wasn’t sure it _was_ a date.

On the one hand, it was undeniably an invite out and it was also to a venue plenty of couples frequented. On the other hand, Jonathan hadn’t exactly implied any romantic interest in Jervis. Not explicitly. He’d been keen enough to talk when he understood Jervis appreciated his scientific interests. And Jervis thought the man looked at him too frequently, or too intently, for platonic interest. So maybe the invite out was genuinely that.

They’d agreed to meet there which Jervis regretted the instant he arrived and saw Jonathan dressed pretty much exactly as normal, except for a thin coat and thick scarf. He himself had opted to make an effort in case it _was_ a date, or to perhaps angle the meeting _into_ a date, although he hadn’t appreciated how awkward he would feel so dressed up when next to his simply dressed companion. His cheeks blushed at the realisation that everyone else seeing them would undoubtedly know how he’d misconstrued their evening and he would therefore receive pitying looks.

Still, he wasn’t about to stand the man up to spare his own humiliation so he plastered a smile on and headed forward. His steps faltered slightly when Jonathan caught sight of him and froze. Then a pink tinge lit his cheeks and Jervis felt a surge of hope. As he drew up to him, he awaited whatever verdict he was to be presented with.

“You look… very nice.”

As compliments went it wasn’t very dramatic but given the state of Jervis’ anxiety it sounded like the nicest thing he’d ever heard.

“Oh, you really think so?” He twirled to show off the ends of his frock coat. “I get most of my things second hand but I prefer the vintage items. They often need quite a few alterations though.”

“Did you add the flowers to the hat?”

“Yes. I thought they brightened it up.”

“I’d have thought the blue was quite bright enough on its own.”

The reply caught Jervis off guard and he hesitated, trying to ascertain if it was a rebuke. Jonathan obviously realised his mistake however and he quickly continued.

“It’s a very good match for the coat. And… it brings out your eyes.”

The last bit was said in more of a mumble and Jonathan kept his own gaze averted. Which was just as well as Jervis felt himself melting at the implied compliment. Drawing himself back together he then made his own act of daring by reaching out to clutch Jonathan’s hand.

“Thank you.”

Jonathan seemed paralysed and Jervis suddenly worried he’d pushed too far. Awkwardly therefore he let go and instead offered what he hoped was a sweet smile. Releasing his hand was obviously the right call and he saw the tension ease from Jonathan’s shoulders before he nodded vaguely.

“Let’s go in.”

They didn’t pick any special destination but silently agreed to walk a circuit and take it all in. Jonathan prompted the conversation again by enquiring about his tailoring skills and Jervis got the impression that Jonathan was himself a student of make-do-and-mend although perhaps for less aesthetic reasons. The talk helped them both relax however and soon they were branching out into discussions of literature.

Through it all, Jervis was hyperaware of any signals Jonathan gave for his interpretation of their current relationship. There was little doubt he considered them friends but Jervis was struggling to ascertain if Jonathan wanted to incorporate anything else along with that. He made it clear he didn’t want to hold hands but he showed no disinclination to complimenting Jervis. Return compliments met with consistent deflection however.

When they came upon a stall selling beautiful snow globes, Jervis had hinted what a romantic gift one would make but Jonathan had only shrugged and told him if he liked them he should buy one himself. At the food stall therefore Jervis had assumed they’d each buy their own snacks but Jonathan had insisted it be his treat. It had all left Jervis very confused.

They’d taken seats nearby where they could watch the skaters on the temporary ice rink and he’d hastened to find a new way to test what Jonathan wanted.

“It looks fun don’t you think?”

“It looks painful,” Jonathan had snorted, eyes clearly noticing the people crashing to the ground.

“Easier going round in pairs therefore.”

“Or you just drag your partner down with you. Nothing very sensible in that.”

“That’s what makes it romantic though isn’t it? Sink or swim together?”

A wary brown gaze met his hopeful one across the table before dipping to stare at the rather unappetising fried mess on his plate.

“Is that what you want? Romance?”

The question flummoxed Jervis. It seemed redundant to him. Wasn’t that what everybody wanted? In his hesitation, Jonathan apparently intuited his answer and he resumed speaking.

“I’m not romantic Jervis. Never have been, never will be. The whole thing… makes me uncomfortable.”

“Oh.” Jervis drew his gloved hands back into his lap. “So you’re not interested in me that way.”

“If by _that way_ you mean acting like a love struck fool around you then, no, I’m not interested.”

Jervis tried to hide how hard those words hit him and kept his face down as he nodded his understanding. Yet Jonathan it seemed wasn’t done.

“ _However_ , if by that way you mean wanting to spend time with you and talk to you, listen to your views on neuroscience and share opinions on literature, or even get physically acquainted, then I most definitely _am_ interested. I’m emotionally attached to you Jervis, and I’m physically attracted to you, I just don’t have the romantic inclination.”

For a good few seconds Jervis could do little but stare as he tried to parse the meaning from what he was being told. He eventually focused on a single point and anchored himself there.

“So, you’re physically attracted to me? You want to-” he stopped himself as he remembered their public location and lowered his voice. “Go to bed with me?”

It may have been his imagination but he could have sworn he saw Jonathan’s pupils dilate.

“Very much so. Since the moment I first saw you in fact,” he admitted with obvious embarrassment.

“Oh!” This exclamation was much more pleased than his last until a pertinent fact insinuated itself into his thoughts. “You do remember I’m trans? I’m not sure what you were expecting but-”

He was interrupted by a quiet chuckle.

“And do you remember I’m intersex?” Jonathan challenged in turn. “If anyone should be apologising for disappointing expectations, rest assured it should be me.”

“No, no,” Jervis hastened to reassure him. “You should never feel you need apologise for that. I assure you I’ll be happy to work with whatever we have.”

There was a significant pause.

“That sounds as if you’re accepting my terms?”

“ _Your terms_ ,” Jervis mocked the phrasing softly. “Everyone has terms in a relationship my dear. Yours aren’t so very unusual. I daresay I’ll have my own terms for you too in due course.”

“In that case, how about we head back to my place? Explore our options.”

The innuendo made Jervis grin and he hastened to get up and set off for the path. He couldn’t help but query one further thing though as Jonathan’s long stride brought him back alongside.

“Jonathan? If you don’t like romance, why did you choose such a stereotypically romantic location?” He gave an emphatic gesture to the fairy light strewn trees they were walking past.

“I wanted you to be aware I was trying to court you. I didn’t want you to think I just wanted a one-night stand.”

“Well in the future perhaps we can choose some locations more comfortable for us both.”

“That would be appreciated.”

They continued in silence a little further until Jervis had another thought.

“Does this mean I can call you my boyfriend now?”

“That would be an accurate term, yes.”

And even though he wasn’t holding the man’s hand and hadn’t even been kissed by him yet – wasn’t even sure if that was something he’d want to do – Jervis already felt his heart was fit to burst. He was well aware of how guarded Jonathan must be with his emotions. Could only hazard a guess at how many people had rejected him for his quirk of biology or lack of romantic sentiments. Yet the fact that he’d felt enough to risk trusting him made Jervis almost want to cry. It was in its own way one of the most romantic gestures he’d ever received.

Something of his bubbling emotions must have shown in his face because Jonathan cast him a nervous look.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. Yes, perfectly so. Just… happy.”

“Oh.” His reaction obviously wasn’t what Jonathan had expected and he looked momentarily unsure what to do with that information. Then he risked a half smile back at him.

“I’m happy too.”


	11. Chapter 11

The invite for Ed to visit Oswald at home was couched in such soft language that they couldn't help but feel special. Consequently Ed took particular care in dressing themselves with an aim to showing Oswald how memorable they wanted the night to be for both of them. Superficially this wasn’t obviously apparent – they didn’t want to appear vulgar after all – yet under their black silk shirt and vibrant green culottes Oswald would find a body dressed to titillate and delight, wrapped in various pieces of lace and satin.

They’d also brought a box of highly indulgent vanilla slices, almost exploding with thick cream, that would hopefully inspire the right note to get proceedings moving if Oswald proved too gentlemanly to make the first move. It wouldn’t be too much of an exaggeration to say that Eddie had already thought through a host of variations for how things might go and felt prepared for every eventuality. Receiving the invite for a private dinner because Oswald ‘really needed someone to unwind with’ had happily fit with their preferred scenarios.

When Oswald opened the door to his penthouse suite, for once dressed quite casually, Ed felt an anticipatory warmth spread through them. He was so beautiful to them in that moment, with that air of vulnerability from being ensconced at home without any sharp fashion statements warding people off. Eddie had to resist the urge to wrap him in their arms and never let go. Instead they held out the pastry box.

“These look delightful.” Oswald smiled and inhaled the scent before putting the box to one side. “Please come in. Sit down. Your pronouns tonight?”

“They/them,” Ed replied easily, eyes quickly taking in the generous open plan room. The large indulgent sofas, the high tech entertainment equipment, the minimalist kitchen area and the clearly more utilized mini bar. They also noted the two other doorways – presumably a bathroom and bedroom, and they couldn’t help but wonder which they’d be led through later.

However they put that aside as they settled into the comfortable cushions and awaited Oswald.

“Drink?” he enquired.

“No thank you.”

They watched him pour himself a generous shot of bourbon and wondered if it was to settle his nerves. Eddie didn’t want to risk any fuzzy memories from tonight but they could appreciate wanting liquid courage. Holding out a hand, and throwing an inviting smile his way, they attempted to reassure him.

“Come sit with me. Tell me about your day.”

It was obviously a good move as they saw the tension leech from his shoulder before he made his way over.

“You would not believe the stress I’ve been under the last few days,” he began, sinking down next to them but leaving a respectable half foot gap. Which wouldn’t do as far as Eddie was concerned, They slid closer and ran a soothing hand over his back. With a vaguely enquiring hum they encouraged him to continue.

“I think you know that my business has a broad portfolio,” he spoke more to his glass than Eddie but they didn’t mind. “Its common sense not to have all your eggs in one basket so I’ve invested in everything from casinos to fashion. The point being that no-one could target _all_ my sources of income. Except,” -they felt the muscles tense again under their circling hand- “someone _has_ found a way.”

“They have? You mean you’ve been robbed?” Instinctively Eddie sat back in alarm. “How much did they take?”

A waved hand indicated Oswald’s lack of concern with that before he verbally replied.

“Barely anything but that’s not the _point_.”

“Then what is?”

“The point is that it’s a message.” Oswald fixed his intense stare on them. “A challenge that they can dip into my money when they like. And the worst thing is my people have no idea who’s behind it!”

The angry tone brought Eddie back in close, this time wrapping their arms around and resting their head on his shoulder.

“Hush, hush.” They pressed a kiss into his neck. “You shouldn’t be stressing about that now. You need to unwind. To relax. And I know just how to help.”

They began trailing kisses up onto his jaw, letting their hands meander lower to rub over his stomach. To their surprise however, Oswald twisted away from the attention.

“Not now Eddie. I’m stressed enough as it is.”

“But that’s exactly why you need this now,” Eddie insisted, leaning seductively back in. “There’s no stress relief quite like it.”

They almost fell on their face as Oswald rose up and escaped from their advance.

“Eddie please! I am trying to unravel how someone traced so many of my business dealings. I cannot be psyching myself up for sex with you!”

That remark hit Ed like a slap in the face and they almost physically reared back.

“Psyching yourself up? Am I that repellant to you?” If they’d been wearing a jacket they’d have pulled it tighter. As it was they merely curled their arms round themselves.

“Of course you’re not.” Oswald actually had the nerve to roll his eyes. “You’re beautiful, you know that. But surely you can’t expect me just to be ready for sex at the drop of a hat?”

“It’s hardly the drop of a hat. We’ve been on several dates now. What was I supposed to think when you invited me round tonight to unwind?”

“Just that! That I wanted to unwind with a sympathetic friend.”

“A friend? Is that all I am to you?”

“No! You know you’re not! Why are you being so difficult?” He ran his hand through his hair.

“Because I don’t know what you want from me!” Eddie threw back with equal frustration.

“I wanted you to listen to me! I even thought you might have some insight on how anybody could cut into so many money transfers at once and filter off the cash. I did not expect you to be so focused on sex that-”

“Wait!” Ed interrupted suddenly. “Back up. The thief _hacked_ your systems? Redirected the transfer flows? It wasn’t a physical break in?”

The conversational switch took Oswald a few seconds to process.

“Yes. I said that. They hacked in and left absolutely no trace-”

“ _You’re_ the Penguin?!?”

The exclamation broke out of Eddie before they could think to filter it. It received a stunned blink in response before Oswald could recognize the implication in the statement.

“How do you know that name? Eddie? Tell me… _you_ didn’t have anything to do with the theft?”

“It was only a bit of a game!”

“A game?”

“You know,” Eddie shrugged helplessly. “A bit of a challenge. You said yourself the amount wasn’t significant. And I never guessed it was _you_.”

“I can’t believe this.” Oswald buried both hands into his hair. “I spend days haranguing my people to find the culprit… worry myself stupid over a supposedly imminent attack… only to invite my significant other round and find it was them all along! As some sort of prank!”

“It wasn’t meant to worry you.” Eddie reached out an apologetic hand but Oswald was standing too far away. “I swear it was only a mental exercise. Nothing sinister. But I’m more than happy to make it up to you.”

Since Oswald was out of reach, Eddie made themselves inviting by reclining across the sofa, one arm above their head, one leg curled up on the cushions and the other limbs dangling open ready to welcome him in. The pose received a deeply unimpressed stare.

“If I didn’t feel prepared for sex with you before, you really think I’ll want to now? I don’t even know if I can trust you anymore.”

Eddie swung themselves back upright angrily.

“Not trust _me_? You’re the one who’s some whispered name in the shadows! And what kind of name is the Penguin anyway?”

A clenched jaw showed the remark had perhaps had more of an impact than Eddie intended and they instantly felt guilty.

“None of my dealings as Penguin had any impact on you,” Oswald countered. “Your secret life cost me countless dollars and sleepless nights!”

The accusation could hardly be denied so Eddie chose evasion. Standing and once again curling their arms about them, they used their height to their advantage in accentuating their superior expression.

“I think we’ve said enough. I’ve apologized. I’ve made my feelings for you clear. You equally clearly want nothing to do with me so I might as well take my affections elsewhere.”

“What the hell? Where was my apology?”

“I offered to make it up to you.”

“You offered sex, which I’d already said I didn’t want.”

“Exactly. You obviously don’t feel for me as I do for you.”

“You concluded I don’t love you because I was too tense to lay back and think of Gotham?” Oswald concluded bewilderedly. “That’s what you need from me? Uncomfortable submission?”

“What? No! I’d have done everything possible to make you feel good!”

“Except forgetting the sex,” he argued, “and sitting quietly with me.”

“Look, this is getting us nowhere. We obviously had different expectations-”

“We certainly did.”

“So I’m going to go now. I promise there’ll be no more drains on your account. In fact, I won’t expect anything further from you again.”

Oswald opened his mouth to retort before stopping and turning his face away.

“Perhaps that’s for the best.”

Despite it being in agreement with their own terms, Eddie still felt that as a blow. Regardless, they swept away and over to the doorway ready to depart with head held high. Once there however the sight of the pastry box gave them pause.

For a brief instant they thought of smashing it but there was no real urge to do so. Another thought suggested taking it with them but that felt unforgivably petty. The greater compulsion, which was probably the result of the hurt expression on Oswald’s face, easily won out. Looking back briefly therefore they spoke softly,

“Enjoy the slices Oswald. A reminder of my feelings for you.”

Without waiting for a reply they then hurried out and raced home, desperate to keep their breaking heart intact until they reached the privacy of their room and could sob the pain away.


	12. Chapter 12

The shop was closed to customers but both Jervis and Ed were in anyway. Jervis to experiment with a proposal Jonathan had put forward for the business and Eddie to lament their love life.

Jervis was a good listener with the ability to understand what was expected of him as the recipient of a tale of woe. For some people this meant making them tea and focusing intently on them, making soft noises of acknowledgement while letting his mind wander to more important matters. That wouldn’t be ideal with Edward however. The more one paid attention to them, the more elaborate the trauma would become, so Jervis had learned that the best way to help them was to be as unresponsive as possible.

Which wasn’t to say he wasn’t paying attention. It would be disastrous not to actually listen because then he might end up believing Ed’s spin on events. With Eddie, the vital thing to remember was that they would give a highly biased version of events but that the truth would always be in there somewhere. He just had to filter it out.

Eventually Jervis heard enough to take a stab at the core situation and acted to silence Ed’s monologue as efficiently as possible. Raising a spoonful of soup from the pan therefore he turned and extended it.

“Taste this for me will you?”

There was no hesitation as Edie obligingly leant forward to take the spoon into their mouth and Jervis seized the moment to let go, temporarily leaving Ed stymied.

“Right. Now, I’m your best friend aren’t I Eddie? You know I have your best interests at heart?”

He received a nod in reply while Ed reached up to remove the spoon themself.

“Then please believe me when I say you were most certainly the one in the wrong.”

The admonishment clearly wasn’t what his friend expected and they shot him a look of betrayal.

“But he invited me round to relax and ‘unwind’,” Ed even had the audacity to use finger quotes despite still holding the retrieved spoon. “What was I supposed to think?”

“I don’t know,” Jervis threw back mockingly, grabbing the spoon from them, “that he wanted to relax and _unwind_? Since when was that a euphemism for sex? I’m sure I’ve invited you to unwind before and it never gave you the wrong idea then.”

“That’s because we’ve never dated. And just to let you know, Netflix and chill does **not** mean what you think.”

Jervis almost let himself get distracted by that before remembering who he was dealing with. Ed could be a master of misdirection when they chose, which was usually when they wanted to avoid blame being assigned to them.

“My point stands,” he insisted. “You assumed an implication and acted on it without checking. Worse than that, you pressured him even after he said no.” Jervis added a tsk and gave Eddie a most severe look.

The reminder did cause them to look ashamed of themselves.

“Alright, I admit I shouldn’t have got pushy. I was frustrated and just wanted to make things better.”

“Which instead made things worse.” He had to turn away to turn the soup off and set the spoon back down, giving his thoughts a chance to switch onto another track. “I can’t believe you robbed the man though! No wonder he was upset.”

“I didn’t know it was him! How could I have possibly known that?”

“Well you could at least have apologised.”

“I did! I did apologise!”

“Really? Because it sounded to me like all you did was offer him sexual favours, which _you_ wanted, rather than explaining how you came to be hacking his accounts.”

There was a pointed silence as Ed considered that analysis. Jervis could practically see them running their memories back on a metaphorical reel.

“Shit,” they muttered. The victory was short-lived however as they clearly recollected their other grievance. “But that hardly matters now anyway. He obviously doesn’t love me.”

“Why? Because he wasn’t ready for sex when he was _obviously_ stressed and hurt over a seeming betrayal?” Jervis echoed in contrast.

Yet Eddie shook their head.

“It was the way he phrased it. This wasn’t simply an inopportune time for him. He didn’t _want_ it. Want _me_. He implied it was some sort of sacrifice he’d be making.” Ed’s nose wrinkled in disappointment and they glanced away in a clear attempt to hide their very real hurt still over the fact.

The assessment gave Jervis pause and he too reconsidered what possible explanations there were for that. Because if there was one thing he’d been sure of in watching the man’s frequent visits, he was clearly smitten with Ed. Yet he knew Eddie trusted physical shows of affection more readily than subtler ones. Despite their veneer of confidence they had trouble trusting other people actually valued them without such shows of reassurance.

“So maybe he doesn’t want sex,” Jervis hazarded. “Some people don’t.”

Eddie stared at him and Jervis just knew their mind was recalibrating to incorporate that hypothesis. A genius they might be but when fixated on one idea others often got overlooked. He could see the realisation dawn in his friend’s eyes with an almost horrified self-reproach though.

“Damn it. Why didn’t I think of that? You think he’s asexual?”

Jervis offered a non-committal shrug.

“It’s a possibility? If his attitude really was more about it being a painful necessity than a pleasure. Although I wasn’t there. It could just be he was highly stressed and wanting to take things slower.”

He glanced up to see Eddie biting their lip as they obviously weighed the available evidence to try and reach a verdict.

“How am I supposed to know if he loves me if he doesn’t want to have sex with me?” they finally protested. Jervis suspected the disruption and uncertainty surrounding them was making them unreasonably tense. Eddie liked things to follow logical patterns after all and now they’d lost one of their relationship checkpoints.

With a sigh he moved around to join Ed on the other side of the counter and pulled himself onto one of the stools before replying.

“I’m going to tell you something Eddie. In complete confidence, you understand? You can’t tell _anyone_ else this, alright?”

“You have my word,” they agreed at once, leaning closer in anticipation of the secret.

Jervis didn’t worry about the easy promise. Eddie both found secrets irresistible but also felt unable to break a verbal bond.

“Jonathan and I have a similar issue.”

“He’s asexual too?!” Eddie interrupted with an almost comically astonished gasp.

“No, not asexual,” Jervis quickly corrected. “He has no trouble expressing his physical attraction to me.” He diligently ignored Ed’s smirk while he focused on getting this confession out. “But he doesn’t feel comfortable with romance at all. Fond words, soft gestures, acts of sappiness like candle lit dinners…” he realised his expression was getting wistful and pulled himself upright again. “These won’t be a natural part of our relationship and I have to either accept that or look for someone else.”

The smirk had gone, to be replaced by a thoughtful consideration.

“So… he’s using you for sex?”

“ _No_! No. I mean, obviously that’s something we’re both getting from this but he doesn’t view me as _replaceable_ in the way that implies. He does love me, it’s just shown in different ways. I’m sure Oswald is just the same with you,” he concluded, eager to return the topic to their relationship.

“Perhaps he was,” Ed allowed. “But I’m pretty sure he wants nothing to do with me now. Not after everything I did. He said it himself. He doesn’t trust me anymore.”

“Well you have a choice to make then don’t you?”

Eddie looked up appealingly and Jervis realised they needed him to spell it out so he continued.

“First you need to decide whether you could cope in a relationship if sex weren’t available. We don’t know if that’s the case but it would do neither of you any good to get back together and then break up because that turned out to be a deal breaker.”

Again Eddie bit their lip as they seriously contemplated the possibility. Finally they shook their head, causing Jervis to suddenly doubt his friend’s integrity until Ed spoke.

“I love Oswald. I hate being apart and I hate even more that I hurt him. I just want him back in my life. Whatever it takes.”

Jervis allowed himself a slow exhalation before carrying on.

“Good. That resolves the direction you want to take. I’m sure you know what you need to do from here?”

“Apologise,” Ed answered at once. “Ask forgiveness. Tell him I still love him.”

The textbook answers had Jervis nodding until he noticed Ed start shaking their head forlornly.

“But how can I do that? He won’t want to speak to me. There’s no way he’ll stop by here again – no matter _how_ good my baking is – and I’ll never get let up to his suite.”

“Pssh. And here I thought you were smart.”

Jervis tilted his head and waited for the penny to drop. It didn’t take long before Eddie’s eyes widened.

“The Iceberg Lounge,” they breathed. “I can go there to publically declare myself. Oswald won’t be able to ignore me.”

The excited gleam worried Jervis and he eyed his friend cautiously.

“You won’t be too ostentatious will you? You don’t want to embarrass him publically on top of everything else.”

Eddie’s dismissive wave did little to reassure him.

“I won’t embarrass him but it won’t be much of an apology if I don’t embarrass myself now will it?”

“I’m not sure that’s-” Jervis began only to be faced with Ed’s back as they abruptly turned for the door.

“Sorry! Got to rush. A lot to do before tonight. It’ll be the perfect time with a weekend crowd. Thanks for the advice!”

And with that they were gone, leaving Jervis alone with the worry of just what his friend might end up doing.


	13. Chapter 13

While Ed was always conscientious about appearance, for this he had made an extra special effort. It was no longer simply a means of self-expression. Tonight he needed to send a very visual message that would not be mistaken by any who saw him. Even if Oswald refused to acknowledge him, the rumour would surely get back to him regardless.

Echo and Query had helped. Truthfully Ed’s own selection didn’t have the necessary range for what he needed. From his own prior visit to the Lounge, Ed had concluded the overriding motif should be ice related. He’d been prepared to dig out any diamond effect jewellery and all his clothes studded with diamante. However nothing he had felt glittery enough and so he’d hastened over to his criminal pairing, citing their encouragement as the cause of his downfall and therefore demanding their help in salvaging his relationship. He reasoned that they didn’t need to know the finer details.

In actual fact they clearly weren’t affected at all by their implied guilt however the chance of playing dress up with him seemed incentive enough on its own. Ordinarily that sort of interference would have irked him yet given their first-hand knowledge of Penguin’s reputation from following him online he realised it was highly fortuitous he’d involved them.

Despite the name and Ed’s impeccable reasoning it turned out that the more significant and certainly more personal emblem to employ was that of an umbrella. He’d frowned initially upon hearing that because, short of merely taking a parasol in with him, he didn’t see how it could be highlighted in his appearance. Yet Query and Echo had no such reservations and immediately set to work with incorporating it as a design upon his nails and stencilling it in marker over a pair of otherwise sheer tights.

Once they’d started they each found ever more intricate ways of including the outline. Instead of painting his lips and eyelids as normal, Echo coloured the top with a vivid purple and then drew a black line underneath with a curve for a handle. At any other time Ed would have considered it tacky but today he was desperate.

Consequently he let them have free rein selecting clothes, only admonishing that they shouldn’t pick anything too slutty, and keeping an ear open as they hastily embroidered or appliqued various umbrella motifs. Meanwhile he focused on recreating the design on each nail, using another rich purple for the background and this time tracing the now familiar design in vivid white.

While his normal preference led to greens with the occasional red, today the only allowed colour was the royal purple that was apparently also the hallmark of the Penguin. It occurred to him that for two people who seemingly had no knowledge of who the Penguin was before, they suddenly had a lot of facts at their disposal but he put that puzzle aside for now and focused on his primary mission.

By the end of a few hours he was happy that they’d pulled together a striking ensemble that screamed: I am the registered property of the Penguin. How they’d managed to stitch so many semicircles and embroider so many handles onto the floor length skirt in the time frankly amazed him. He half wondered why they’d bothered decorating the tights until he noticed the long slit up the side. The simple bardot top was bare but they’d combined two necklaces to create another passable umbrella emblem at his neck. All topped off with an unused lilac parasol that Query had fortuitously kept from childhood as a memento of the life they’d left behind. Thus dressed to impress, Ed set out to lay himself at the metaphorical feet of his boyfriend.

Getting in proved no obstacle and Eddie found himself relieved Oswald hadn’t for whatever reason issued an actual ban on him. His appearance did satisfactorily raise the bouncers’ eyebrows however and he fervently prayed the word of his arrival would spread quickly. A glance around once inside quickly convinced him that Oswald wasn’t anywhere in the public area and he hesitated over what to do with himself now. He hadn’t thought about this part in his previous planning. Eventually he chose to sit at the bar, reasoning it was the most visible location and thus most likely to generate the necessary wave of rumour.

Instinct kicked in at the bar and he ordered a grasshopper before wondering if something less intoxicating might have been preferable. Yet his nerves were already wracked and anything that would help calm them had to be a good thing. He resolved to savour the drink while he waited though and order something less toxic next time. As he watched the barista mix it for him he idly twirled the parasol, wondering about putting it down before resolving to use it as an effective shield against unwanted attention.

Which came sooner than he expected, although perhaps it shouldn’t have been surprising considering his naturally provocative pose coupled with his striking attire.

“Hey doll. What’s a beautiful girl like you doing all alone?”

Ed swivelled his gaze sideways to the blond smiling quite unbearably smugly at him. As if he thought his attention was a gift Ed should appreciate rather than an irritation.

“Sorry to disappoint you but I’m not a ‘girl’.” Ed turned his gaze away, not feeling inclined to explain his genderfluid nature to this irrelevance.

A laugh met his statement and he chanced a glare back.

“Yeah, I kinda got that from the adam’s apple. Thought you liked playing pretend though.”

“Excuse me?!”

Obviously his offended tone slid off the guy like water off a duck’s back as he let his gaze linger up and down Ed’s physique.

“Looks like you’re a bit of a fan of the proprietor huh? Well, you’re in luck. I work for him. Could take you out back. If you want?”

Ed’s anger halted at the offer. The man was clearly a douchebag but if he could get Ed through to where Oswald was then perhaps Ed could play along for a bit. He forced a rather brittle smile onto his face therefore and slid off the barstool, picking up his cocktail in one hand and keeping firm hold of the parasol with the other. He had no wish to touch hands with this person.

His plan backfired slightly as he felt the man’s hand land on the small of his back to guide him. A revolted shiver ran through him but he had to concede the gesture perhaps useful as they made their way across the crowded room. It wasn’t a rowdy nightclub but it was certainly busy. Ed at first thought they were heading to a staircase that led up to a more secluded area with small intimate tables on a mezzanine before being guided around it to an almost hidden corridor behind.

Mentally he tried to map the layout with what he knew of the building from outside but it was hard to judge distance with so many mirrors and reflective icy surfaces. Still he was momentarily shocked to be heralded through a door and find himself in a back alley blocked with refuse bins to one side and a brick wall several storeys high on the other three sides. A whole new shiver ran though him as he turned at the sound of the door clicking shut to find the man grinning predatorily at him from between him and his only exit.

“There. Alone at last.”

“You said you were taking me to Oswald.” Ed backed up as he spoke, putting as much distance as he could between them.

The guy arched an eyebrow at his use of the familiar name but otherwise showed no concern, stepping slowly after Ed.

“Uh huh,” he disagreed. “I said I worked for him _then_ offered to take you out back. Which I have done.”

Silently Ed cursed at himself for not registering the disambiguous statement sooner but then forgot that frustration as his back hit the wall and he promptly recollected what weapons he had to hand. Thinking quickly therefore he flung the glass contents at his pursuer’s face even as he swung his other arm in an arc to whack him with the parasol.

It might have worked better if it had been folded down. As it was he twisted his face away from the green liquid and the taut material merely rebounded off his shoulder before reverberating the handle out of Ed’s now sweaty grasp. Seconds later, Ed found himself pressed harshly to the brickwork.

“Now now doll. Don’t get coy now. We both know what you were after when you came here tonight.”

With a strong meaty grip to bare and none too solid shoulders, Ed found himself inexorably pushed downwards. His back scraped along the rough brick and he instinctively arced forward to avoid the pain, even as he continued to struggle to free himself from the brutal grip.

“See? Knew you were keen really.” The man grasped one hand into Ed’s loose hair to hold him steady while his other hand reached to his fly.

Finally Ed found his voice, albeit choked with his panicked breathing.

“No! No, no, no, please, no. No…”

He squeezed his eyes shut even while desperately trying to pull his head away from the cruel fingers latched there and kept up his begging refusals. His hands pushed hard against the legs barring his escape in an ultimately futile gesture. He tried to unbend his legs or use them to shift himself off balance only to be restrained by the way his skirt had wrapped itself about them. His next inhalation brought a gut clenching familiar musky scent that sent a new panic though him and he twisted violently again, crying out as several hairs were pulled free, but not enough to free himself.

“No,” he whispered again, aware that it was useless now.

The man didn’t care. He had to have seen his struggles, seen his unrestrainable tears, yet he would make Ed do this regardless.

Then a whistling noise heralded a sudden draft in front of him, combined with an undefinable thumping sound, and a voice came in answer to Ed’s prayers.

“I believe you need to learn that no means no.”

Ed opened eyes flooded with tears to see his saviour standing, chest heaving with righteous anger, umbrella clenched sword like before him, and foe vanquished on the floor.

“Oswald.” It was all Ed could say before being overcome by uncontrollable shivers and he hid his face in his trembling hands.

As soon as he felt soft tender arms about his shoulders though he instinctively latched his own arms tight about the wide waist and buried his sobbing face in the comforting warmth of his stomach. A gentle hand rested cautiously on his head and he hiccupped before tilting his head further into the caress.

“Hush,” Oswald soothed him. “You’re safe now.”

Edward found himself crying harder at the realisation of how close he’d come to losing this – how he still might lose this once he was indeed safe again – and he couldn’t help but grip tighter.


	14. Chapter 14

His lilac parasol had been retrieved and handed to him as a much needed protection from the sight of anyone. Of course it couldn’t really hide him but so long as Eddie could hide his face, he felt safer. Oswald had perfunctorily straightened his attire before carefully taking his elbow to guide him inside again but Eddie had already felt their distance too keenly and pressed himself back to Oswald’s side. There was only a very brief hesitation before he capitulated and curled a protective arm around his thin waist.

The journey in and upstairs was something of a blur although Ed did catch Oswald’s whisper to someone about ‘taking care of the mess out back’. It felt unrelated though. Safe in Oswald’s hold Eddie could temporarily ignore everything else. That all fell apart once they reached the man’s office however and he was quite firmly, if gently, deposited in a chair.

His eyes fixated on Oswald as he moved away towards a small drinks cabinet and poured himself a whiskey. There was a hesitation in his movements however before he cleared his throat and addressed Ed, albeit still with his back turned to him.

“Would you like one?”

Although he didn’t usually drink beyond the occasional indulgent glass, and he’d already had one today, it certainly felt like a day buck the trend.

“Please.”

He saw Oswald give an instinctive curt nod in acknowledgement and then heard the sound of ice hitting the glass before liquid splashed. Focusing on these familiar identifiable things seemed to help but he realised the other benefit of agreeing to the drink when Oswald turned and moved back over. As their hands both gripped the glass, neither immediately letting go, Ed found himself subject to an anxious look.

“Are you hurt? Do you need me to call anyone?”

“No. It was…” he shuddered unexpectedly and clasped the drink harder, unwittingly causing Oswald to release it. He frowned and refocused. “Unpleasant but no harm was done. Although if you hadn’t got there-”

He broke off as he registered Oswald was physically retreating again. Moving away apparently to refill his own glass but then choosing to simply lean against the sideboard, drink set temporarily aside. From this new perspective Oswald’s gaze appeared more cautious.

“Why did you come here Eddie?” he eventually asked, tone plaintive more than pressing. “Were you looking for someone new?” A wince passed over his features. “Not like _that_ but... someone new?”

“No. No,” he replied, voice breaking as the weight of his mistakes crashed over him. The fact that if he hadn’t messed up before he wouldn’t have been in position to need rescuing now. Oswald wouldn’t be anticipating seeing his former sweetheart seducing others in his own club. Added to which, how clearly Ed could see the obvious parallels that were making his stomach heave violently.

He held his whiskey in a death grip, forcing himself to fix his attention back in the present and drawing in a deep shuddering breath.

“I wanted... but it's pointless. You could never forgive me. What’s that saying?” His lips twitched into a mirthless smile. “What goes around, comes around. I see now what I put you through and-”

“Wait,” Oswald interrupted, taking a step forward which caught Ed’s attention far more effectively. “It sounds like you’re comparing yourself to that rapist scum from downstairs.”

Ed gave a capitulating shrug.

“I may not have got as far as he did-”

That brought Oswald stomping back across to his side, all but forcing Ed to stare up at him with his fierce attention.

“You’d never have gone as far as he did Edward,” he insisted. “You were persistent and cajoling its true but when you finally understood I wasn’t going to say yes, you left rather than force me.”

His eyes slid away as he tailed off which actually helped reaffirm his point for Edward. In his confused mix of trauma over his near rape and anxiety of having lost Oswald, his rationality had gone out of the window. Calming himself, and putting aside his emotional upheaval, he reassessed the facts. Yes, he had been too dismissive of Oswald’s wishes but no, he had not acted in the manner of his aggressor. He’d hurt him another way by rejecting him and his feelings.

It was that which he chose to focus on now. That was why he’d come after all and it was still something he could possibly deal with. Taking another calming breath he found himself again staring into his glass. It was with a deliberate care that he leant forward to deposit it on the desk, giving himself freedom to turn all his attention onto Oswald.

“Oswald. I came here to apologise. Firstly for robbing you, although I had no idea it was you and would never have done it if I’d known, but primarily for equating your feelings for me with your willingness to have sex. I should never have pressured you to show affection that way when you made it clear you weren’t interested.”

The declaration had caused Oswald to start shaking his head.

“I should have been expecting the request,” he countered immediately Eddie had finished. “As you said, we’d been on several dates and it was only natural for you to want that. I was only flustered because the anonymous hacking had been driving me to distraction. If you’re willing to give me another chance I’m sure I can relax enough to make it enjoyable.”

Eddie wasn’t sure which part of that statement to deal with first but realised the issue of their agreement on the level of intimacy was pretty crucial to any acceptance of a fresh start.

“Oswald, if we pick up again – which I truly do want to do – then I need you to understand that I never want you acting out of any feeling of obligation to me sexually. I may desire you – and I definitely do – but that does **not** mean you should… how did you put it the other day? Lay back and think of Gotham? That would make me little better than the creep downstairs.”

He received a smile at his echoing of phraseology.

“Relationships involve sex Eddie,” he answered before offering a shrug. “And I don’t mind doing that with you. I’ve just never been very sexually active I guess. To be honest, I tend to forget about it half the time.” He concluded with a self-depreciating laugh.

It was the brittle laugh that cracked Ed’s rational exterior and he took Oswald’s hands to kiss them gently.

“It’s okay Ozzie. I know love doesn’t equate with sex. You may be asexual but that doesn’t mean you can’t love me in other ways.”

A puzzled frown creased Oswald’s brow although the smile at his lips implied it was merely confusion. Ed wondered if it was his unexpected use of a nickname until Oswald spoke again.

“What do you mean a sexual? A sexual what?”

“Not _a_ sexual. Asexual. You know? As in doesn’t-feel-sexual-attraction?”

The widening eyes showed he truly hadn’t known what Ed was talking about up until that moment.

“That’s a _thing_?” he asked. “There’s a word for people who don’t… well… want sex?”

“Yes.” Ed watched with a mixture of heartache and joy as he saw the world opening up for Oswald. “There’s a whole community of people who don’t feel that attraction. Some still enjoy sex, some don’t, but either way it’s a normal experience.”

“I think I need to sit down.” He made to move away but Ed stood and gave a tug on his hands until Oswald sat down in his vacated seat. Unwilling to interrupt whatever mental reprogramming was going on, but not wanting to move away either, Ed perched on the desk edge and carded his hand through Oswald’s hair.

“I always thought…” he began hesitantly before swallowing and trying again. “That I was just too focused on my business to be distracted. That other people were exaggerating when they said someone was driving them to distraction. Because I never felt that. Not for someone’s body.” He finally looked up. “Although I think I feel something like that for you. I mean, I want to be near you all the time. And talk to you. And kiss you. Just… the other things don’t exactly compel me the same way?” He tilted his head as if asking for understanding. “I mean, I’d _do_ them. I wouldn’t especially _mind_. But also I wouldn’t have minded if you’d never asked me.”

Ed smiled softly and continued his gentle petting.

“For the record. I want to be around you all the time too. And kiss you. And touch you like this,” he scrunched his fingers slightly to make his point. “The rest is just decoration. Like a good cake. It’s the basic sponge that’s important to get right.”

A low chuckle answered his analogy and Oswald reached out his hands to grip Ed’s hips and guide him to sit on his lap before embracing him tightly.

“Does this mean we’re back together?” he queried. “Are you my sweetheart again?”

“Yes.” Ed rested his head somewhat awkwardly on Oswald’s shoulder, looping his arms about him. “Let’s never split up again.”

“You’ll get no argument from me my dear.” He stroked Ed’s back cautiously.

They stayed like that a few minutes as each came to terms with the roller coaster of an evening they’d both been through. Then Eddie spoke again.

“Can I stay with you tonight? Not to do anything more than this but… I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Of course you can.”

To his regret, Oswald seemed to take that question as indication that they should move and he deftly raised them both out of the chair. Thankfully he didn’t move away but instead looked up thoughtfully.

“Perhaps you’d like to take a bath when we get to my place?”

Eddie glanced down and abruptly recollected his scraped palms and doubtless scratched back. He winced slightly as he realised he’d need to explain his torn skirt to the others.

“I must look a mess,” he muttered.

The feeling of a gentle hand on his chin snapped his focus back to Oswald.

“I wasn’t thinking of that,” he corrected. “I was thinking of how pleasant it might be to take a bath together. If you’d like to.”

His flush was probably answer enough but he still managed a hasty reply.

“I’d like that very much.”

Oswald lit up with a winsome smile before tenderly linking their hands and pulling Eddie along with him.


	15. Chapter 15

It was not a double date in the strictest sense of the term. While Jonathan would privately allow that he was dating Jervis, he didn’t like the connotations that came with the word. They went out together, talked about anything they wanted, shared meals and co-ordinated shopping trips but if you told people you were dating they’d get a very different idea. So this conjoined evening out was not a double date.

Technically it wasn’t supposed to be as Oswald had offered to host both Jervis and Edward so he could put forward his business ideas for them. Jonathan had been invited both because he was a positive example of someone already operating under Penguin’s umbrella but also because Oswald recognised Jervis would want his unbiased opinion. But as they’d arrived in the Iceberg Lounge, and almost immediately received an escort to the private table, Jonathan could see the other two clearly indulging in their supposed privacy. He rolled his eyes as he saw Ed rub their nose beside their partner’s. Thankfully Oswald caught sight of them and gently put a stop to Eddie’s ridiculousness.

“Ah! Professor Crane. Jervis. So glad you could join us.”

Ed cast their own expression across the table which managed to convey both pleasure in their arrival with a smug insinuation they’d have been equally fine without it. Jonathan was quickly learning that Ed could be supremely irritating but also that it was therefore good fun to knock the wind from his sails. They had silently agreed taboos for their banter; jabs at either Jonathan’s aromantism, Ed’s pronouns or Oswald’s asexuality for example. Such obvious targets would be beneath them but everything else was fair game.

There was the usual fuss as everyone settled themselves comfortably, Jervis briskly checking Ed’s pronouns and Oswald solicitously ensured everyone had any beverage or snack they might want. Finally however they could get to the point of the evening.

“Well now,” Oswald began, “I’ve already raised this idea with Eddie and Jonathan but I thought it would be better to get everyone together to properly discuss it.”

Jervis cast his anxious gaze between his companions.

“I don’t want to sell,” he insisted. “It may not be anything grand but its my independence, you see?”

“Oh absolutely!” he was reassured at once. “I have no intention of taking your shop from you. But I do feel its not giving you sufficient opportunity to expand on your talents.”

“My talents?”

“Yes, your talents. Jonathan tells me you have quite the gift for neuroscience. He thought your ideas on microcircuitry were worth pursuing.”

“That’s just a hobby. Something to occupy my mind during slow periods.”

“It is now,” Ed countered. “Oswald can help you make those ambitions real. Give you the backing you need to experiment and test your theories.”

“Its true,” Jonathan agreed. “And you did say you wanted to take up your research again. My own studies have come on in leaps and bounds since accepting the patronage.”

“But who’d run the tea shop!”

He literally wrung his hands as he fixated on the removal of his stable environment.

“Ed had suggested your sibling might take a part time role in covering the shop,” Oswald offered soothingly. “At least temporarily. Along with their girlfriend. Although advertising for casual staff wouldn’t be a bad thing. I fear you’d find the routine lifestyle monotonous after a while.”

“I happen to like routine,” Jervis snapped defenisively.

“But I don’t,” Ed countered. “I need new challenges. Don’t get me wrong, I love the experimental baking side of it. But every day serving mindless customers who can’t tell filo from flaky pastry? I need a more appreciative audience.”

Jervis caught the fond look they sent their boyfriend’s way and huffed.

“And just what exactly will you be doing with your free time?”

“I’ll still bake. The workers will need someone to inspire them. And although the public won’t get such painstakingly crafted works of art, I wouldn’t want to deprive Ozzie.” They received a hand cupping their cheek for the statement before continuing. “But Oswald has information on a lot more targets in Gotham to challenge me. It would do no harm to his business if his opponent were distracted by an enigmatic trail of breadcrumbs.”

“So you’re going to become a career criminal.”

Typically, Jervis didn’t have much problem with breaking the law, given the struggles he often still had being recognised by the system for who he was. And he’d never truly objected to Query heading down that path with Echo. Yet that decision hadn’t affected his own life choices. If Eddie moved on then the shop wouldn’t be the same.

“Think of it more as stepping up my game,” Ed suggested. “And it doesn’t mean you have to stop working in the shop if you don’t want to. But the offer is there if you want it.”

“I’m simply offering you the financial backing to employ more staff and set up your own research.” Oswald spread his hands. “I can’t deny that I’m curious about just what you might wind up inventing if given the opportunity.”

Although he’d kept relatively quiet up until now, Jonathan took the pause to insert his own opinion.

“You should consider it. I never dreamed I’d have the breakthroughs I’ve had. I’m sure I wouldn’t have if I’d still been working at the university.”

Jervis glanced to him, seeing nothing but powerful belief in his expression. It sent a surge of confidence through him realising that Jonathan thought his half vocalised ideas were worth pursuing. That his theories weren’t as outlandish as perhaps he’d believed.

Still, he tapped his fingers on the tabletop indecisively. It was a big step moving away from the shop. It was the physical representation of him choosing to live his own life instead of his parent's. Not letting them guide him into their chosen laboratory, under the life and name they’d saddled him with, giving up his dream profession for something truly _his_.

He wasn’t sure how to properly vocalise his concerns however.

The problem was solved in a manner when the whole room was distracted by a crashing sound and a shower of glass falling from one of the high windows. Startled screams echoed round them but Oswald merely leant back with an irritated huff.

“Honestly,” he muttered. “Can I not have _one_ peaceful evening?”

The question was clearly rhetorical which was fortunate as everyone was too focused on the figure stalking their way to respond. Jervis could only stare wide eyed at the strange apparition while next to him Jonathan echoed Oswald’s pose, albeit with a more speculative look, and opposite Ed curled closer to Oswald, displaying a protective air as they glared at the uninvited guest.

“Penguin,” the voice growled.

“Batman. I’d say it’s a pleasure to see you but we’d both know it was a lie.”

“There’s a new toxin in the city.” Batman obviously wasn’t in the mood for preambles. His gaze flickered over each of Oswald’s companions, assessing and dismissing them in turn before fixing back on Penguin. “What do you know about it?”

It was lucky the Batman’s focus was on Oswald, nonchalantly shrugging, else he too might have caught the tiny smirk pull at the corner of Jonathan’s lips.

“I’m flattered that you assume my knowledge extends to pharmaceuticals,” Oswald continued blithely, “but it’s really not my area of expertise.”

“You’ve heard of it though,” Batman insisted. “A drug which induces fear. Could be useful in your line of work.”

“It could indeed. I’ll make sure to look into it. Thank you for the recommendation.”

The tension made Jervis uneasy and he fought the urge to duck under the table.

“If I find out you knew something and didn’t tell me, I’ll be back. And it won’t be so pleasant.”

There was a sudden motion and a burst of sound before the figure disappeared, almost flying away back to the broken window and was swallowed into the night.

“What an uncouth brute!” Ed burst out angrily, running a soothing hand over Oswald’s arm.

“A peril of the trade I’m afraid.”

“That’s what he’s relying on,” Jonathan suggested. “Your fear. Thank you for not capitulating.”

The awkward gratitude was waved away.

“What good would it do either of us for me to hand you over? We’re far better at liberty and presenting a united front against such strong arm tactics.”

“Yes,” Jervis suddenly agreed. “People like that shouldn’t be allowed to get away with bursting in here and making demands willy nilly. He could have hurt someone breaking that window like that! And what kind of rude person dresses as a bat and breaks in to interrupt a peaceful night out? What was wrong with using the door like anybody else? He should be arrested.”

“He never will be though,” Oswald explained. “He’s the GCPD’s pet vigilante. A way for them to utilise violent tactics without taking any responsibility.”

“I’d love the chance to show him up for the lunk-headed Neanderthal he is,” Eddie suggested. “Prove that he has no business lording his superiority.”

“If we could only reveal him,” Jervis murmured. “Show the world the psychosis behind the mask. Then they wouldn’t be so quick to endorse his vendetta.”

“We could do that,” Jonathan concurred. “If you could develop your hardwire tap into the brain, and using my serums to break down the veneer of respectability he pretends to, we could free this city of its domineering rodent.”

“Yes,” Jervis answered distractedly, mind already whirling with new possibilities. “Yes.”

“Then you’ll accept my proposal?” Oswald interjected. “Work under my umbrella to strive to free our city from the control of the Bat?”

If there was one thing Jervis had always detested it was authorities trying to tell him how to live, or who to be. This Batman was clearly no different, willing to use force to get his own way, with no idea how to behave in polite society.

He sent a blinding smile across the table to Oswald.

“I’d be delighted.”

“Excellent!”

Oswald promptly clapped his hands and drew a waiter’s attention to order champagne and Jonathan took advantage of the distraction to whisper to Jervis.

“We could share a lab. Work together. It’d be nice to have your company while working.”

The sweet admission made Jervis’ heart leap and he couldn’t stop smiling. Opposite them he could see Eddie stealing a quick kiss from their partner but felt no jealousy. To each their own and he was undeniably content with his lot.

Their future promised to be bright, with good friends, a considerate lover and a fool proof way to reclaim the city from the vigilante currently exerting his will over it. And once that was done, they could retire back to their quiet lives with tea and cake. What could be better?


End file.
